The Squaw's Diatribe

Doing Nothing

2011-03-15T02:01:00.002+05:30

It's been a while since I came here to rant. Well, actually this is not going to be a rant (hopefully). I just noticed that I came here to babble long time back and since today I am in that mood, why not babble and "contribute" to a blog?

So the weekend was a big active deal, compared to what it otherwise is, and left me quite tired. This is saying something for someone in the "prime of their youth". I went for a party on Saturday night and went out in the evening for a good time on Sunday. Both had their share of good times and Saturday night had its share of fun and yuck-ick-flack-ness. But I don't want to go on about that here. So yes, both these left me quite tired by the end of the weekend, and Monday morning I just didn't want to get up and go to work. This is a state that usually accompanies every morning, when you get up and wonder why you have to go to work, what if you didn't go today, what would you do if you didn't go to work today, and then, after practical questions were asked and dismissed, you'd ask yourself the question - What if I never had to get up and go to work? This question when asked first brings about the best answer one would ever like to come to be real, "I'll do whatever I want". This goes away as soon as you begin pondering on what it is that you do want to do, and how, and when, and where and so on. I doubt any of us actually get beyond wishing for whatever it is that we want.

So there I was, waking up at an hour which would bring much rebuke and lecture from parents, and indifference from many others who have the same lifestyle that I currently do. I woke up at the indecent hour of 2 p.m. That is the time by which I should be at work, sitting in front of my machine, checking mail, trying to sort out the day and see what meaning could possibly be wrung out from a day that seems no different than any other. But today, I checked the time, asked myself if I wanted to go to work today, answered a very simple "no" and went back to sleep. After that I got up at around 6 in the evening and decided I'll do nothing at all today. Which is what I did all day. I made tea, drank a lot of it, read a nice soppy romantic book, avoided people at home the best I could, ordered for groceries, made dinner that no parent concerned for their child's health would allow you to eat, watched a movie, avoided some more people and came online to see what other people were talking about.

DOING NOTHING:

Making Tea: Here's the thing with making tea. It should be the simplest thing, but it rarely is. I for one can never know how much tea to put in and always end up drinking something that should kill me but doesn't because I'm stronger than that. So I've now resorted to using tea-bags. I was going to make tea because I was too lazy to go make some real food that could serve as lunch/brunch/snackrunch whatever.. I did the usual boiling water, putting fancy things in it to boil like ginger that looked so dry and twisted that it made me feel as if I was really concocting a herbal drink, adding sugar etc, when the flatmate who was "helping" me out with this asked aloud that making tea with tea-bags is so much work as you have to boil the water too. She said some other things too, but they left my mind before landing on it. I was so indifferent by then that I didn't even want to think of other less tiring and demanding ways of making tea. So, tea was made, and since I made her a cup too I thought I'd go sit on the couch and watch TV with her and see how the evening goes. The pointless banter that almost always seems to accompany "chai-sessions" and which many a times is very entertaining and interesting and all things nice, didn't really happen this time around. I never understand how and why people expect others to listen intently to what happened to someone who's not famous, and by the sounds of it not interesting nor worth the listening time. Which led me to politely excuse myself from the company by expressing my bored state and slouching back to my room to read this soppy novel I picked up on the weekend in peace, with my tea and tea-bag and the pleasure that comes with finding you tea's still warm.

Reading Soppy Romantic Novels: Of late, I'd not read any simple, romantic type book. I used to read a lot of those in school, as one of my mother's best friend found it in my best interests to read all the Mills & Boons, Nora Roberts, Danielle Steels available. I'm sure she thought they would play a great role in educating my mind and I can safely say they did. For one they gave you the power to predict what is going to happen in a novel by reading just the first chapter, or in some occasions, the first four pages. Second, they reinforced beliefs that all women, even the most ambitious, feminist, and independent women, at the end of the day, want "love". Everyone needs LOVE. No living without that, no Sir, not at all. As I grew up and learned many other things, these novels ceased to interest me, even remotely. Even the snippets featuring a man claiming that he wanted to take the woman, there and then with no heed for the world, stopped arousing any interest. And thus it was for quite some years, where reading "romance" novels just didn't happen, mostly out of lack of interest and because by this stage I believed my education to be adequately complete. But on Sunday, I found this tiny bookshop and I picked up this book called Kate Kincaid by Henry Denker. I picked this up because I'd read one novel by Mr.Denker before, when I was quite young and was very moved back then. Based solely on that, and without even reading what the novel was about, I picked it up and began reading. Kate Kincaid is the story of our heroine by the same name who's a nurse and feels very oppressed by arrogant young doctors and how she's torn between two men who love her and all bangaboosh that happens in such novels. I don't think it's well written. But I'm liking it so far. There's always something to like about a "pretty nurse who's overdetermined and fiery" and wants to change the world. It's always pretty faces changing the course of history, innit? That aside, I think one major reason why I like it is its purpose is clear. It's aimed mainly to please and distract and provide escape. It doesn't want to make you think too much, or at all at places. It doesn't want to educate you, doesn't want to spark ideas in your head, doesn't want to push you under a running train, and all those things. It's plain and pure, use and throw entertainment. (Ok, maybe not that harsh. Maybe I will not really throw it away, but am not sure. ) There's something about your heroine struggling with choices, struggling to resist the kiss from a man who makes her forget things and to see a man, fall in love with a woman he can't take his eyes off. At some stage in life, that something might have meant wishing and dreaming about such things happening in real life. At this stage, it means that there's nice things happening, doesn't matter if it's "real world" or not, but that it's there, that things belonging to reality and fiction aren't necessarily exclusive of each other, that being happy at the prospect of it doesn't necessarily mean wanting it.

Avoiding people: This is something that I've been pushed to exercise in extreme over the past few days or maybe months. I'm not completely serious when I say I hate people, nor am I joking in hyperbole. I don't really want to avoid people, I just want them to avoid me. (That's such a classic "It's not you, it's me"!) As you grow up you realize how much more fun it was being a child. Yeah, I know EVERYONE says that, but this time my reason is something else. When you were younger, and knew lesser people because you had lived for lesser years and had thus accumulated lesser number of "contacts", no one really cared much where you are as long as you made to school and meals on time. Now, if you stay at home, your office people will ask you where you are and why you aren't where you should be. If you are at home, your people at home will also ask you why you aren't where you should be. When you are not at home on weekend, then everyone wants to know where you went. If you are home on the weekend, then they ask why you are at home and not outside. I mean what is it that they really want? I know what they do, but that doesn't stop me from being pissed at it. So today, I had to answer three flatmates about why and how I was home and I have a strong suspicion that would have led to more questions had I not escaped in time. From work, colleague asks where I am and even the answer leads to probing for reason. Why can't one stay at home without a reason? Why have we begun to give so much importance to reasons? Why does it matter where and why someone is anywhere? To what use are you going to put that information? How much money are you going to make out of that knowledge?

As a child, when you sulked, someone will entertain you and give you some candy and get you to stop sulking. Now, people would rather talk. Yes, talking is the solution to everything. Everyone wants to talk about it. Sure, even I do want to talk about things and non-things, but I have people for that. And I go to them for that. And I tell others when they are not part of that unfortunate group. But then, they assume that because I'm closed to talking, I'd probably be open to listening. Which I am not, either. I was going under the assumption that "talking" covered for what is generally assumed to be a conversation (–noun: informal interchange ofthoughts, information, etc., by spoken words; oral communication between persons; talk; colloquy.) and thus expected people to get it when I say "I don't want to talk/I don't talk much". But it seems that most people don't really understand this definition, and going by other things, this probably holds true for the definition and meaning of a lot of other things too. This comes as a surprise to some people I call friends, those who comprise that unfortunate group to whom I do go to "talk". I used to be a talkative person, was also considered very social and friendly and all those things. I use the past tense because I believe the way it was said then is very different from how it is now. I still like to talk, to be social, to be friendly and all those things. But I have become more selective about the space and time in which I am so. Yes, I have become "boring", that, in fact, should be the biggest reason for people to avoid me. But it doesn't seem that way. I don't think I'm that popular or deserve to be so. Deserving or not, it is undesirable right now. And that should not be seen as such a major change nor challenge.

Recently while telling some people that I am going to join TFI, the response that I got in return was quite confusing, at times funny, and plain annoying in some cases. What has being social got to do with being able to teach kids? Are all our professors and teachers social butterflies buzzing from one party to another? I was also called "cold and distant", something which I do not challenge even once, but how does that come into what I am going to do? Were all the teachers who contributed to your life and learning warm, friendly and personal? Do you write "warm and lovely person" as one of your talents or achievements on your resume or CV? I know that personality matters affect how you work in any organization. But I've seen terms like "team player" and "leadership traits" being dropped around too many times to believe that everyone who's termed as that can do his/her job damn well. So why enmesh a person's behavior and attitude with respect to their personal life with their work? I agree teaching might be one of those jobs where a person's disposition makes a big difference. But do you really assume everyone to be uni-dimensional personalities, that the way they behave with you, they would behave with everyone else too? In that case, with the majority of the people, there's a reason I behave the way I do and take recourse to avoiding people. Think of it as your good fortune.

Ordering Groceries: It's one of the biggest delights of our age- to order stuff and get it delivered to your doorstep. Even though it might be more economical, faster and healthier to just get out and buy things, but it's also another delight of our age to live in active denial. And reveling in its admission. That should get some brownie points.

Making Dinner: This in my opinion is the single most enlightening indicator of how your life is. You know what kind of person you are and the life you lead by the way you make and have your dinner. Families eat dinner together, in front of the TV, while watching something, where the only noises are made by cutlery and crying women in the tube. Sometimes you have dinner outside, with friends, over laughter and conversation, but that's not a regular thing. It can never really become a regular thing. Dinner is a regular thing, and it follows patterns. It is as regular and representative as brushing teeth- what time you do it, what toothpaste you use, and how much time you spend over it. If one begins your day for you, the other brings it to an end, never relinquishing its grip on making it a part of your routine.

For some days now, my flatmates have been making dinner for me. Before that it was my colleague who used to get dinner for me. Something which I'm thankful for, but more anxious because that means paying back that favor. Somehow, whenever someone makes dinner for me, unless its my mother, I feel as if something's owed between us. The debt to my mother for it is too great to be ever paid off, so I don't ponder upon it. But anyone else making dinner for me, even if it's not specifically for me, bothers me. Don't do that, because I won't do it for you. Even if I did, I'd expect you to make it back to me. It's a transaction in which I don't wish to be either party. Hence I like making dinner on my own, for myself. And that is rarely the healthy thing to do and which speaks a lot about my life and me, as a person. Left alone, I'd make dinner out of bread, eggs, instant noodles and anything that comes packaged and takes least amount of time to prepare and consume. Dinner is always a hasty and necessary affair. It is the cruelest of affairs and the most easy of them all. It's all gain and so tasteless.

Movie Time: Doing nothing without watching a movie is such an incomplete experience. I remember in college, especially during second year, not going to class and doing nothing meant staying home and watching movies all day. I watched the Social Network today. Quite liked it. Used to hate Jesse Eisenberg before this, but I think I might change my mind about that. All slick-slick-talk-talk, and an immensely entertaining movie. Something that might have been a lot better had flatmates not found it necessary to interrupt me and talk trivialities as if life and death depended on it. This is my latest grudge- that of the movie watching experience being spoiled thanks to company. Why can't movies be watched the way they are supposed to be watched? Especially good movies. Why must you question and explain and point out and discuss and talk during a movie? I see that happening in the cinema so much these days that I think watching it at home might be a better solution. But even at home, there's the thing about people asking what you are doing when they can see you are watching something with headphones plugged in and asking further details after you tell them that you are watching a movie. The most annoying experience was maybe last Sunday when I was watching a movie on TV, and people saw that I was watching a movie and still talked around loudly till I had to tell them to take their talk about matrimonial prospects of Engineer+MBA types somewhere else and sod off from where the TV and I were.

Watching a movie should be like reading, you get lost in it and forget the world outside you. People don't let that happen. People don't even let you get lost in your own head for that matter.

Online People Watching: This I guess is the most time consuming act of our lives. We listen to and watch and pry and learn a lot from people online. Some we know, some barely, some not at all, but we feel like we do. The number of times we chance a visit to Facebook and Twitter may definitely outnumber our visits to the restroom in a day. I guess it gives some precious pleasure to see what others are eating, picking out, reading, drinking, sharing and talking about. To some extent it's quite informative, and it provides for the distraction that helps you keep away from work that you so fear to embark upon. It's the perfect procrastinator and one rarely ever complains about such things. I won't. I like it. It helps me being hypocritical. And learn, at the same time. The number of times I've clicked on the Tweetdeck icon and gone to check on Facebook is something that is helping me live with myself better. Which is zero. As much as is it is a big attraction to go and check, it is an equal triumph in overcoming that need to do something that might be infinitesimally better. Overcoming addictive practices, I gather, always give such joys, and are also necessary, if one were to ever move from knowing to thinking, from experiencing to living.

That was I think most of doing nothing. I had hoped it won't be rant, but if it turned out to be so, then, who cares? Doing nothing and describing it seems to have done a whole lot of good to me, and, and I've also "contributed" to my blog and kept up with my diatribes.

Things I Really Like But Never Got A Chance To Mention

2010-11-10T04:09:00.000+05:30

It's been a while since I've come here and posted. It wasn't because I didn't have time or material to whine about, but life has been such a whirlpool of flea-feces ridden events and incidents that I could only express my feelings through long sad stories about sleep and dreams. But now that I've recovered somewhat, I can talk about the latest irritation plaguing my life- people telling me what they like, on Facebook. Without me asking them. About things no one will ever ask them.

So today, I'm going to make a list of things, animals, people, emotions, incidents, emoticons, fungi and miscellaneous items that I like and share it with the world. If and when I have time and even less of a life, I will go create pages for each of these so that all of you can let your friends know that you and I, best buds, both like the same things, animals, people, emotions, incidents, emoticons, fungi and miscellaneous items.

No, wait. I can understand liking these things, but not some of the things that I see being liked and I'm incapable of putting them into any of these aforementioned categories. But since I assume human intellect is capable of understanding, empathizing, liking and sharing these statements, I'm gonna list down things, of similar nature, that I really really like. I'm not even sure if I like them, but I think if I ever saw some of these, my hands will automatically click on "like" the way yours do when you see anything with "<3".

Here they are:

- When I have a lot of work to do and yet I goof off my time by doing irrelevant things (like writing such posts) and telling everyone about it because that is the best way to let my employers know what a valuable asset I am to their organization.

- I hate it when no one likes the video I shared about a monkey throwing its excrement at a baby and a 200 year old Chinese woman.

- I feel elated when I see a cute guy with glowing skin and sexy hair-do approach me so that I can ask him about his brand of facewash, body shower gel and shampoo and then tell him what a girl he is.

- When I give you a missed call at three in the morning, it means something. It means that I'm throwing all over the place and none of my friends will take me back home and you're the only person I know who will respond to a missed call at 3 AM.

- "Lol" "Yeaaa" "Okkk" "Hahahah" "Hmmm" convey all the expressions, emotions and opinions required in any conversation. Be it about the latest quiz you took to find out the reason behind your birth or Third World debt.

- When I message you, it means I'm thinking about you. If I'm thinking about someone else, I'll probably be messaging them.

- You can save energy by being switching off your computer for three hours everyday. But, you can save time and energy by excluding all words from your vocabulary that involve vowels or have more than five letters.

- Why do we close our eyes when we pray? When we cry? When we dream? When we kiss? Because all beautiful things can only be felt. Vision not required at all. And yes, crying is a beautiful thing.

- Why type out things when what is on your mind, at any given time, can be conveyed through one click? It will only make your parents think they have achieved something by educating you for so many years.

- It hurts when someone you used to talk with everyday doesn't talk to you at all. It hurts even more to know that sharing this piece of private information on a public platform has not made any change.

- Every woman deserves a man who looks at her everyday like it's the first time he saw her. We all want to feel like Adam Sandler from 50 First Dates.

- I'm not beautiful, sexy or perfect. But I'm ME and I don't pretend to be anyone else. Never mind the photo of Zooey Deschanel as my profile picture.

- I AM UNIQUE. The rest 3,78,999 who liked this agree with me.

- Telling someone you honestly don't care but inside, you're dying. Of shame.

- "I'm fine" really means "I need a hug and someone to talk to, preferably a ridiculously patient person to hear the same story for the nine hundredth time. And special treatment, of course."

- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. Especially when you realize it after an hour of getting your ass owned.

- Waiting around for something you know will probably never happen, but still hoping it might.. Like Vogons demolishing Earth to build a hyperspatial express route through our star system.

-Sometimes, you forgive people simply because you still want them in your life. And also because you are so lonely, insecure and spineless.

- That moment, when the universe conspires, when things go all movie-like and you just connect with the other person and know that they loathe you and hate your guts as much as you hate theirs.

- People actually love me and me liking wrongly worded profundity, but pretend otherwise because they can't match up to the awesomeness that is me. LOL.

There, I've put my heart out on a platter, laid bare my soul for everyone to see.I've mentioned some, only some mind you, of the things I've not yet had a chance to express. I hope you will see them, understand them, empathize and like them. I've also added tiny Like-like buttons so that you get the feel for them. They aren't real like buttons, but you know that. And you may not even like most of these banal statements. But you understand why, don't you?

I might lose many "friends" over this post, but then I'll gain a lot of wisdom and perspective to come up with statements that will help me win them back.

Of Birthday Bashing and Growing Up

2010-08-02T03:08:00.000+05:30

It's an universally acknowledged fact that, after you turn 21, your increasing age is inversely proportional to the excitement with which you look forward to your birthday.

Imagine you are five. You look forward to turning six. Because it means all the adults will make a big deal out of it and get you presents and cake and let you do whatever you want, for the whole effing day!! Doing whatever you want kind of loses its charm when you are grown up and an adult and know that you can do whatever you want if you wanted to or weren't that lazy.

Imagine you are twelve. You look forward to turning thirteen. Because that means you become a teenager and have license to throw tantrums, behave badly and blame it on hormones, puberty and what-not. You will also be pleased to find yourself going higher in the school hierarchy, thinking too much about your appearance and on the brink of a long journey looking for the perfect and effective acne removal cream.

There you are, in your teens.You got voting rights when you turned eighteen, but who really gets excited about getting voting rights?? The elections didn't even happen that year, not the big ones anyway. You sailed through your teens doing everything you wanted to and didn't want to but did anyway because your parents didn't want you to, doing everything others seemed to be doing or avoided doing anything that any one else did because, yes, peer pressure works that way, finally landing on twenty, swearing to yourself to get over the teenage phase and become a real adult. But who counts twenty as a non-teen age group? Hell, you're still young, still in college, still under 21 and it is the only one year you've got to drink while not being of legal age. Nothing kicks a high like that, does it?

Now imagine you are twenty. And you are turning twenty-one. What are the perks? You get to drink legally. And surely, the day you turn twenty-one, you go get drunk and find it no different from all the other times before. So that perk stays for a day and then wears off. Then what? You are twenty-one, probably graduate or about to graduate. You now have to leave the comfort of college and go get yourself a job. In this universe, low attendance doesn't mean a talk with the Principal, here it's seeing your peanuts of a salary get reduced to shriveled skins of nuts. And failing in a test more often than not leads to a loss of means to livelihood and other comforts it brings, not to mention the fact that these ruddy tests happen too frequently and barely ever run on schedule.

Now imagine you are twenty-one and are turning twenty two. Or already have turned twenty two ten minutes back. What do you look forward to? To a day of calls, messages and wall posts wishing you fun, happiness and other nice things? To a day of more niceties and maybe an increased consumption of alcoholic beverages than what a normal day brings? To another year of sameness and minute differences? To another year of new resolutions that will be forgotten and discarded in a week? To catch up with other grown-up friends and whine together about growing older and leading a lackluster life? To put the sad moment of realization into words that will be the contents of a long whiny tirade against growing up? (check)

You know why kids look forward to their birthdays and adults dread theirs? It's not age. Well, not age alone anyway. It's school, college, a learning institution. With every passing year, you are glad to get the old year done with and begin a new one. Because you look forward to the next year to put you in a higher grade, to learn new stuff, to leave an old class behind, to forget old diagrams and definitions. With every coming year, you know you'll get a certificate, a parchment, a denouement in the written word that you have sailed through past year's storm of follies and failures and reached the shore of new undiscovered land, where there are yet unexplored territories and ample opportunities to make new mistakes.

It's not that we stop learning after getting out of schools. It's just that we stop getting as many frequent assurances and reassurances. Kindergarten teachers have time for their subjects, not normal adults leading busy lives. Your boss won't have the time to appreciate the efforts you took to color-code your complicated excel-sheet so that it's easy to understand. That's your job, you are not going to get a star on your dossier for every task you tick off your to-do list. Your friends won't have time to listen to you bitch about everyday activities the way they did when you pretended to be studying in the library. What used to capture attention before, will no longer dazzle your old, mature grown up audience. We're not kids anymore. We have lists to complete and files to organize. Who cares if you can't grow up and stop looking for a good word for every good thing you do, who has the time to care to what's happening to you when their own lives is, as the term nowadays goes- FUBAR?

So there you are, twenty-two and still not much of an anybody. In some era, people used to start their lives at this age. Nowadays, people your age are getting into rehab for the fourth time or are being compared to legends. People much younger are becoming superstars by having a voice that only puts their gender in doubt, and here you are, sure of your gender, unsure of what you are doing with your life. The only thing you've got to celebrate is that your generation can now blame the phenomenon of quarter-life crisis when the going gets tough. Well, that's good for reassurances.

Growing up can be such a pain. How can one not like Peter Pan?

PS: I don't know if it's a good idea to be listening to this one now- http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/s/1973+Album+Version+/DjkDf

Image: My 23rd Birthday by nyu (It's not my 23rd, but, same/similar sentiments)

Anger Management

2009-09-28T01:03:00.000+05:30

Ok, high time I came here and ranted. Well, it's not ranting. It's just some anger management right now.

I'm being really patient these days. With everything. Yes, I don't really want everyone to understand it. In fact I don't expect anyone to understand or whatever. It's just that I feel if I kept repeating it to myself, I'd be good at it. Gosh, I can never get that thing out of my head. I have, for some reason, always told myself that I will become what I tell myself. If I told myself I'm being patient, I will be so. I need more convincing for myself than for others. Or maybe I can't convince others about how convinced I am because I can't convince myself. This doesn't help but prove only one thing- I CANNOT SELL.

So, back to anger management. It is particularly difficult when you aren't burning your lungs out. It's even more difficult when you can't call up your best friend(s) because your head's so swollen with fake ego. And listening to all your favorite sweet songs doesn't help in writing or as they say, channelizing your energy to create something profound, meaningful and deep.

So yes, I am angry. Pissed. Angry. Irritated. All of those things that I could otherwise blame on PMS, and which I could get away with if it was for less than 6 hours. But, never mind. Things are definitely not looking good, despite me listening to all the sweet/happy songs. Only I can lie to myself well enough and delude myself into anger or happy highs. And with all that anger channelization, all I've doing is setting a record for saving drafts (thank you google for autosave). So far the count is : 4 blog posts, 3 mails. All resting safely somewhere where they wouldn't hurt/harm/maim/injure/kill anyone. Or lead to the same aforementioned happening to me afterward.

With all of this, I've made a list of things one should not do when angry. Some are based on real experiences and some are things I assume would hold good in a hypothetical situation:

1) Do not email. Type it out. Don't hit "Send". Let gmail do the "draft autosaved" thingy for you.
2) Do not talk on the phone if you're home and are not sure if your parents are asleep. Your parents don't need to know you've improved your swearocabulary over the years.
3)Do not kick your CPU when you know your PC is recuperating from the crash it went through 3 weeks back. It wouldn't help to have no music, no e-books, no sitcoms, no movies, no xkcd, when you're fuming.
4) Do not go for a haircut. Just in case.
5) Do not watch movies where the protagonists look real cool stabbing themselves with needles in the first half and real sad-ass losers by the other half, and by which time you'd have probably given up on watching it.
6) Do not go down memory lane if you're angry in a combination- like angry and sad or angry and lonely or angry and whatever else. Remember- thinking about good old days when life sucked and you couldn't do anything about it would not help the days when life still sucks and you can do something about it but refuse to do so.
7) Do not drink too much coffee/alcohol/cola or eat too much of chips/spicy food/chocolate.
8) Do not keep precious objects within your reach. Do not keep them in the company of sharp/heavy/both objects.
9) Do not try those counting from 20 to 1 or saying the alphabet backwards kind of tricks. You'd only lose momentum in your angry tirade and miss an epiphany, if any.
10) Do not look for therapy from music-Listening to some chick singing about her boyfriend not understanding her or a crazed guy with laryngitis screaming about his skin bleeding and intestines boiling in bile won't help you. If anything, it will only make it worse. Go classical. Only instrumental. Listen to Beethoven, if anything. That is, if you have any of it or can be patient enough to download it.
11) Do not try that whole 'breathe deeply and break your ribs exercise". All you manage to do is create an atmospheric imbalance of some sorts around you. Not to mention, you feel more tired than before.
12) Do not get into the whole sweating it out drama. You decide to go loosen some fat and push all that anger through kick boxing or aerobics or whatever it is that you do in the name of exercise, and then you pull a hamstring, sprain an ankle or break your hip and get confined to bed rest thus earning yourself some more time to brood and work yourself into a frenzy.
13) Do not get angry at the beginning or middle of your weekend. Get into those furies just a day before getting back to work on a weekday. You can let it all out and only blame work. Or you'd get so mad with work, you'd sort of forget about the original anger situation.
14) And don't waste time blogging. And if you've done that already, don't let it go to waste by shoving it into "Drafts". And no, there are no funny scribbles, comics kinda things going with this one. Take it or leave it.
15) And lastly, if you are mildly sleepy, forget all the crap about not taking anger to bed. Just take it and go flat on it. Don't waste time thinking, blogging, reading, listening to music, watching stuff, talking etc. Just sleep. That's probably the best thing to do. Apart from burning your lungs and killing the germs inside with some well turned out ethanol. But, never mind.

How to get over Writer's Block.

2009-03-05T17:43:00.000+05:30

We all suffer from this one. Well not all of us, only those of us who claim to be writers, or just write and when we are completely bamboozled as to what we can write that would amuse or mildly entertain us we transfer all the blame to this overused apology for lack of any creative brilliance called Writer's Block.

So what do we do to combat this illness?

Wake up and brush and take a shower. Turn off the TV and get off the couch. Get a pet guniea pig. Go walk the dog. Walk and get over the block.

Go green and stop eating for a day or two. Make resolution to write a page every day.

Go bungee jumping. Do aventure and extreme sports. Dabble in the occult. Learn fang-shui and tarot and crystal-ball reading.

Participate in a reality show or a talent hunt. Sign up to enter a secret military intelligence gathering agency.

Drink soup. Or liquor. Anything, just drink. Something's bound to get you worked up and if you remember what you did, probably you can just pen it down and it may turn out to be not that bad for a start.

If these don't work, watch a movie or read a book. You might get suddenly inspired and produce a imitation or a review or either disguised under the other.

In case you are worried you might get influenced, albeit subconsciously, by the perusal of such iterms, then just stare. Have a good look at the world around you. Stare at the ceiling fan and think about the cycle of life and its futilty ( Try keeping images of people hanging from the ceiling out of your mind here). Look outside the window, see how people rush about their daily lives and for once, get over yourself and try, try really hard to weave a story about those random strangers walking in front of you. If nothing fails to grab your attention, look harder and find someone really good looking and just stare. This may lead you to two things- you might just find your muse and a story henceforth or you might end up being reported to the cops on grounds of harrassment and hell, that might be some experience to write about!!

For those who seek inspiraton within, stare at your diary with a pen stuck in your mouth, fingers tapping to some tuneless rhythm while you are drooling on the page. You may go back a fifty odd pages and find something to read and wonder why in the world would you bother to write something so trivial in your diary, and that too in such detail. Then you'd come back again to the blank page st taring back at you. Here you might want to doodle and scribble and draw tiny hearts or smileys or stars or you might just sign your name again and again till you move on to another fresh page. Do a small recap and think of all that has happened to you in the recent past- would you want to put down your encounter with the dentist or your seventy seventh failed attempt to start gymming into words and seal them for posterity and private use? If you are a person with feelings and emotions and acknowledgement of the same, you might as well pour out all that you feel, wanted to feel or think you could have felt. You can garnish this with some help from your pocket dictionary and voila! you have a heart warming account of whatever monumental event that occured in your life.

But for those handicapped by the very prospect of having to use pen and paper for writing, well, boot up! Stare at your screen, with that cursor blinking on that white background and resist the urge to do the following things:
*Open other old files and just read them.
*Watch sitcoms ( Those addictive things are pure evil, but more about them later)
*Go online on pretext of using reference or online dictionary, because once you are there you might get tempted to do these :

- Look up stuff for reference and one thing leads to another and you end up reading Lindsay Lohan's latest blog post about new shoes.
- Chat up with the never-ending list of online friends and you go on talking about what flavour of ice cream you had for dinner last night.
- Visit Facebook and check out photo-albums and upload some more photos and this goes on for days!!!
- Dabble in the piracy debate with someone while downloading movies and music by the dozen.
- Just "surf" (rather cruise) the internet and amuse yourself into boredom.

So there, once you have been staring at the cursor for more than eight minutes, let your fingers dance away on the keyboard and just type. Practise typing if you may, just type. You are bound to form comprehensible words and meaningful sentences after a while.

Ok, these are the standard issue methods. For the ones ready to go that extra mile here's what to do.

Talk to friends, foes and strangers. Go to cafes and work the coffee and conversation formula. Just talk, and discuss and argue and talk some more. Share, listen, laugh, cry, give all the appropriate expressions with the aaah, hmmm, oooh, yeah? and chat up with people. Engage youself in a conversation with someone who speaks a language completely foreign. Act like a journalist, complete with notepad and pen, and interview people. Pretend and lie and become another person and talk. Talk to shady characters, to indifferent ones, to the bold and beautiful and allow yourself to be bothered enough to take an interest in their lives. Steal away their small glories and convert them into magnificient tales.

Fall in love. Fall, go all the way and mess yourself up. Go through all those feelings and emotions capable of mention in your all time favorite phil collins or lionel richie song. Listen to all those love songs, sit and day-dream under the sun. Abandon work and lie in bed all day, doing nothing. Talk for hours and smile a lot. Fight and cry, a lot. Sing and scream. Make up and make out. Forgive and forget and reminisce. Walk the bed of nails and tread the carpet of roses. Wait and let go. Possess and permit. Give away and take it back. Take away and return the favour. Wear red.

If you possess a full pocket to finance trips and expenses or passion for places, travel. Go exploring. Venture into uncharted territories. Board a bus, train or a flight, hitch-hike a ride, hop on to a boat, go to unmarked destinations. Visit the seven wonders of the world. Swim the deep waters and scale the great heights. Live in suitcases and tents, in student hostels or luxury hotels. In the name of cuisine, experiment with local delicacies. Do a hula dance. Fall sick with food poisoning. Get frost-bite. Try living in the desert with one single flask of water for five days. Go without a raincoat or umbrella where it never stops raining. Go to a sunny beach without sunscreen. Cycle across countries. Swim across the English Channel. Go Natgeo!

All these methods can be adopted in different permutations and combinations, as deemed fit by your inner wrting advisor. And if you find time from executing all these magic tircks, you can sit down and just write and get over that uninvited guest of a writer's block.

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN'S LANGUAGE!

2008-07-13T23:40:00.000+05:30

OK THIS IS AFTER A LONG LONG TIME.
BUT WHAT'S WITH PEOPLE BEING ADAMANT ON FORGETTING THEIR BASIC GRAMMAR AND COMPLETELY SODOMISING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE?
I AM ALL FOR MODIFYING IT A BIT TO LEND IT A LOCAL FLAVOUR AND THE LIKE.
BUT WHY THE BLATANT ABUSE OF THE LANGUAGE TO SUCH AN EXTENT THAT A SANE PERSON WITH A MODICUM OF LEARNING AND LIKING FOR THE LANGUAGE DOUBTS HIS OWN BASIC UNDERSTANDING OF THE LANGUAGE?
I DON'T ADHERE TO THE QUEEN'S ENGLISH. BUT SUCH RAMPANT CORRUPTION OF IT?
AND SOMEHOW THE WORST MISCREANTS ARE THOSE WHO SAY ENGLISH IS THEIR MOTHER TONGUE.
CAN WE START A CAMPAIGN ON PRESERVING THE SOMEWHAT DIMINISHING DIGNITY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE??

THAT'S ALL FOR NOW.
I HAVE TO GO AND TRY MY BEST TO SAVE THE LANGUAGE.

The Last Resort-TAGS!

2008-01-15T02:27:00.000+05:30

It seems impossible for me to keep my resolution of blogging everyday- which is obvious to NERs considering that my last post was a good 15 days back.
Since, I'm not really in a mood to whine and rant on about anything (being implicitly thrown out of my own room and listening to Jab We Met soundtrack doesnt really help matters) I'd go for this tag thingy - I really am not sure if its the right way..

1.Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it?
- There's on on my right foot. I've had it since I was 4 or 5. Used to love going on bicycle rides with someone ( LOSER ME- I still cant ride a cycle) cycling up and down. On one of these trips, fell asleep ( how for gods' sake I have no idea ) and some shit and happened and next thing i know is there's a wound and now there's a scar.

2. What does your phone look like?
- Bad. Really Bad. Its a Nokia 3200 or some other old crappy model like that. And now it looks worse for wear after I threw it just for fun (it never cracked before) and now its cover is all cracked up.

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
- Since am staying in an rented apartment in Pune now, and the house has got nice walls, the walls of my room are unadorned. Back home, the walls are a collage wall me and my bro created... part of it is visible in this pic.. bro's huge football fan..

4. What is your current desktop picture?
- It changes every 12 hours or so depending upon my mood, my mood and my mood.

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
- Yeah, sure. Why not? What sort of troubles me is how do gay divorces work? The one who earns more from his day job pays the other alimony??

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
- to not be lonely and sitting here.

7. What time were you born?
- 2nd August 1988, 2.10 a.m

8. Are your parents still together?
- hmmm.. yes..

9. Last person who made you cry?
- the child actor from Taare Zameen Par. I cry in soppy movies. In real life I fear I possess an insensitive, stone cold heart.

10. What is your favorite perfume/cologne?
- err...but I don't use any much. I smell nice all day long :) On occasions.. Dunno.. Use whatever I have.. all of them smell nicer..

11. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?
- Anything as long as they don't look as if they emerged out of a clown party..

12. What are you listening to?
- It was Counting Crows' "Big Yellow Taxi".. now its Robbie William's "She's the One".. after midnight my taste in music further deteriorates.

13. Do you get scared of the dark?
- only after reading, watching, thinking or talking about something scary...

14. Do you like pain killers?
- when they are helpful, yes. otherwise.. no.. they are not one of the ice cream flavors you like, you see.

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
- Yes, that too. Otherwise, I've never liked anyone that much to make an effort to ask them out and the other hazard is having a HUGE EGO.

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
- Choco chip cookies.

17. Who was the last person you made mad?
- List too long. To get down to specific would be my roomie and all those people with whom I talked in the past 18 hours.

18. Is anyone in love with you?
- No way. Why?

That's it. Too long a questionnaire man.. What I can't complain about tags???
Screw it. Tomorrow is my second meeting and lot of work on a holiday, I have all rights to crib.

Happy New Year(s)!

2007-12-31T22:48:00.000+05:30

i don't think i stuck to my resolution of blogging regularly, reasons for which will be given in detail at some later point.
But i'm tryin real hard to keep my new year resolutions realistic and follow them:

Quit- Its time to get rid of those vices which arent really best for my health. i'm already on my way. stopped drinking- only beer now. and the other one, well believe me i have started reducing.
Wear a scarf while travelling in pune so as to protect myself from the harsh pollution and prevent asthama.
go to the gym and eat healthy. try to go to gym and try to eat healthy. at times at least.
thats about it.

gotta go, booze party on at home. im not drinking.

Back to Whining,

2007-12-17T23:23:00.000+05:30

Ok, here I am again. Had been trying to delay this moment for as long as I could- writing that is. Changed my template for the nth time this month I guess. Reverted to my original template, though sadly I’ve lost all the links. That can be done sometime else though.

Following my resolution to write everyday, I think I’ll follow a pattern of sorts such that at least every blog of mine has one post per week. And maybe I should start sparing some attention to those blogs where in I’m listed but haven’t made any contribution ( especially the “Taking India Ahead” blog in which I’m really interested but have never managed to post anything). So I’ll be alternating between my blogs. Enough of my schedule.

I’ll stick to the nature of this blog- which is whining. Its less of a habit and more of a lifestyle now. All my friends know I’m an incurable whiner.

Few days back I’d submitted my article to the college newsletter. There I rant about how people have these misconceptions about us since we’re very actively involved in college activities et al. While writing it I remember I was whining as usual and tried to infuse as much humor as I could manage to come up with. But I was so shocked when I found the whole editorial team found it harsh. Why? These guys are like me, I wrote that article on behalf of these guys and they find it harsh, asking if I really feel all that antagonistic and how I should voice my feelings, opinions etc. And all I could think was- am I the only one? Or is everyone else too chickenshit? The worst part was all these guys went on stressing about me having a platform (the newsletter) to “voice my feelings” and didn’t seem to relate to or identify with what I had written at all.

Everyday I meet people who ask me if I’m attending class and pass comments irrespective of what I answer. Initially, it was a joke. But hell the joke has become such a pain now. I’m used to jokes. I’m short and I’m hyper-active/talkative. So people get lot of opportunities to make jokes. And I honestly don’t mind. At least I’m making some one smile and laugh. But these taunts regarding college work and being busy seems so mean. Its like God made me short, so the joke’s on God anyways. But here, its my work and life which is being made the butt of these gags. And when I make any comments, it’s a big deal and blasphemous to them.

And sometimes I feel bitter. At the work that I’m doing and at the people. Its partly my fault. I got so busy that I started drifting away from friends and others. When you work with somebody 24/7 you start hanging out with them and inevitably your timetable’s such that you spend all your free time with them. And then friends don’t appear very generous to accept you as you are. And that sometimes seems to be the worst part. If “friends” don’t understand, how can you expect others to understand? So, once you become part of an organizing team or fest or anything, people just seem to wander away or you seem to get alienated. And somehow, it all seems so sad. I remember after third sem finals got over and everyone was planning vacations with their friends and group and I was just hanging around, shuttling between office and PCell, wishing shallow goodbyes. College is definitely not what I’d thought it would be. No boyfriends and large group of friends. No gang of girls and boys. No fun- romantic life that movies depict.

But then its my choice. I chose to work and get involved in college activities. So might as well accept the consequences. But I never imagined the consequences would be so drastic. Its not all that bad either.

Hell, I just cant help complaining either ways.

An excess of phlegm perhaps

2007-12-17T01:09:00.000+05:30

Let me just type. Let me just write. I do not know what will result from this exercise.

But I need to do it, nevertheless. I hate not being able to write. That was my only outlet.

I feel suffocated, strangled, drowned, tied up and restless without it. There’s this inexplicable tightness clutching at my heart and I have no clue why and how to deal with it. There are these moments when you are restless and nervous. As if you know there’s something miserable waiting to happen, just around the corner and you don’t know what to do when you are face to face with it. That is how I feel. Any given moment when I’m not busy doing nothing important. Its physiological, mental, psychological and a lot of other things. There’s no word for it, yet.

There are no dreams. My mind’s become barren. Imagination has become infertile.

Does growing old do that to you?

Those days, when you were bursting with innocence, hormones, feelings, wishes. Those musings, pouring of words and tears, smiling into space thinking about nothing and everything, and those escapades into unreality- where have they gone?

The artist inside has ceased existing. There was no space for life. It was crowded with ambitions, mundane aims, selfish needs and walls. Walls around my heart, soul, mind. Nothing comes in, nothing goes out. Forever locked. Frozen. Yet burning within me every moment.

This is so juvenile. Still, its necessary.

There is this canvas waiting to be filled. But it remains white. White is a color? Or there’s such darkness that its black, impenetrable. Even grey fails to come on it.

Is it just that my outlets have closed or do I have nothing to express?

Either ways, I feel un-alive.

The entire world is an illusion. Do I just tread through this illusion waiting for it to end on my death? Or do I live it out? I have to live it out. Breathe in the scents and dust. I want to feel pain and happiness. Immeasurable pain and indefinite happiness. And express it the way I want to.

Nothing is stopping me. But I find myself incapable.

Something within is dying. There is the optimist lying docile.

There’s so much I want to do, want to achieve. But they all seem meaningless now that I feel incapable of doing what I thought I was best at and loved to- to write.

Maybe its my fault- I am lazy. Despite that, I just feel incapable otherwise. Its as if I’ve become handicapped, lost my limbs or lungs or heart or just everything.

Being sad and hurt allowed me to vent it out and write. Pain helps. I tried, in vain.

I think its true. As they say, external wound and pain are superficial and its when the heart is bleeding with sorrow and grief and misery that you really suffer. The turmoil within is worse than the injuries on surface. But I don’t have either. I tried the latter- got my ears pierced again in an attempt to “feel” the pain. Needless to say, it didn’t help matters much.

Even loneliness is something that’s so detached. Yet so deeply entrenched into the psyche. I feel miserably lonely at times. That solitude doesn’t encourage any creativity.

I think I’ve run out of reasons, of miseries to put blame on for my incompetence.

Nothing seems to help.

And I resort to whining, which just tires you out and saps your creativity further.

Maybe I should just continue to write. Somewhere, sometime I’ll find a way out or a way in. I must force myself to write everyday. I have to let things affect me. See, hear, feel and experience. And express everything. Maybe that will help.

I have to keep trying. I must.

Its really a waste..

2007-12-16T23:38:00.000+05:30

I'm sorry I'm here again to whine.
I have lost my creative skills. Whatever little i had.
I re- read my poems again and again. I don't think they are great works. But i have nothing else. I want to view my own work. And i see no improvement from the past to the present. People get better as they grow. I seem to be growing back into immaturity and un-creativity.
Where have i lost it?
or have i stopped feeling?
The Romanticism has died out. All that i see is jaundiced by cynicism.
All i find is that yes life sucks, and there's nothing that you can really do about it.
I see others going through intense feelings, highs and lows, and tangled love lives. And i mock it, find it juvenile.
Wasn't it good to be juvenile and pour out your feelings?
Something decent always turned up with those juvenile feelings and musings.
I used to be a dreamer. A hopeless one. All i did was dream, daydream, imagine and dream. And some more.
I don't do that anymore. And i don't like it, at all.
To dream, to feel, to ponder and brood and think and go through those phases where you just go on weaving dreams and thoughts into an intricate maze so that you're trapped in your own safe haven, shielded from reality- where is all that?
Escapism- thats the best opium.
Second Life does seem a very good idea indeed.
I miss poetry.
I miss words. And how i could find solace in them. In my own words. I didnt have to go looking for others' poison.
I need to go back.

Quicksilver

2007-11-05T22:00:00.000+05:30

Its been too long since I’ve blogged, I know.
I don’t even remember when was my last post put up.
Sometime before exams, or rather a long time before exams I’m sure. Exams were a pathetic state of misery. First two papers we’re just not ready. Then for the next two, food poisoning came upon us and by the last two, we were too tired, dejected and hopeless, just wanting the goddamned exams to get over. After exams, for exactly 4 days I had the best fun in my life in a long long time. Me and two other friends- Bidi and Chetan- my family members think it was 5 of us ( us three plus I added Sanchari and Udrrek to the list guilty of going off to some god forsaken beach place without making much fuss about it)- had gone to Dive Agar beach, somewhere in Konkan for all that I know. Beach and booze and friends- what more could I ask for?? Though I didn’t really get on to sea fish the way my friends did ( maybe because I was still suffering from the after effects of food poisoning and nausea or maybe I realized that I just don’t like Sea fish!!) and daddy dearest caused a bit o’ worry in the end. I inform him of my trip with friends 2 days before I’m to leave and he’s like “ ok.. fine.. whatever” without asking me with whom I’m going and hence I don’t consider it to lie from the beginning. All throughout the days in preparation till I left he never bothered asking with whom I was going. Then on my 2nd day there, on the phone he asks me who I am with and I bluff. Then next day when I’m back in Pune, in the evening he calls and starts heavy interrogation causing me to freak out and make up silly fibs. I was thinking of ditching Placement Cell(PCell) work and heading home immediately the next day, but my Dad’s subsequent silence and refusal to speak with me was a sign that I should give some time to that bloody PCell and let things cool down at home. So for 3 days I work at PCell cursing every moment of the work and time spent there. I’d need to write an entire book of 100 pages to list the fallacies and idiotic inner workings of the PCell. Then one day before leaving I call home from the PCell phone ( sometimes you have to take advantage of College Facilities) and have a nice chat with my mom wherein she informs me of her decision to scold me in front of my dad regarding “too-much-freedom-that-we’ve-given-you” and that I should just stay quiet and play along. How nice can my mom be??? So cute :D.
Well now I'm home and we haven’t yet done our “scolding-listening” playact in too much detail- it was more like my mom seemed to be casually over interested about my trip and “friends”.
Now that I’m home I thought I would have time to think and write and blog and read and watch movies and hang out with friends and shop and paint and all that ( almost precisely in that order I think ) .And all I’ve done since coming back is eat a lot and sleep a lot while finishing off one blah novel ( its chick-lit by a male author for Christ’s sake!!) and watch Black Books Series ( become a huge fan now, thanks 2 Bidi) and a lot of movies and hang out simultaneously with my best friend Sandy ( a.k.a. Sandhya ).
Since I’m kinda clueless as to what I wanna write about now, I think I’ll ramble about Sandy. Well she’s gonna give her CAT this year and is freaked out about it and has sufficient reasons to be worried. She’s the only person who knows when I’m back home and is almost always around when I’m back. She likes movies and gets pretty excited to check out what movies I’ve got with me. So she checks out all the movies and goes on about which all movies she’s heard of and wants to watch. Then inevitably she comes over and says “ I’m in the mood for a nice romantic movie” / “ I feel like a nice romantic comedy” / “ Lets watch something romantic, its been long” which basically is about watching the same darned movies again and again and again. Your list comprises Notting Hill, Love Actually, When Harry Met Sally, A Walk to Remember (the most tiresome and crappiest of all) and now it extends to include Bend it Like Beckham and DDLJ (now that’s my fault I chose to get the CDs and save them to my hard disk). She made me watch Dhoom II twice (!!!!) as also dragged me to watch Laaga Chunari mein Daag despite the fact that we both had read its reviews and knew it would be a pathetically boring movie. :O
And now she’s got some weird hobby to put black nail paint on her toes and white paint on her finger nails. Why ? why would anyone in their sane mind do that?
She’s got some other weird habits too. One’s checking out the extras and their costumes in a typical bollywood song/ dance sequence. Stick to the leads for Christ’s sake!!! Then there’s asking about the heroine’s revealing costumes and wondering aloud how well they’ve hidden their lingerie. Every time I return home, she expects me to get her half a dozen pairs of oshos. And the like.
But then she’s a real good listener, i.e. she listens to me going blah blah and some more blah. She keeps treating me to pani-puri and other junk and good food. I guess I’ve grown to her omnipresence in my life, however gay as it may sound to my ears to go on gushing about my best friend.
And its definitely a good thing she’s not very active online and especially on blogger to give her views regarding my weird hobbies, habits, etc. Good thing that my dad's not tooo up to date with blogger shlogger shit.
And now I’m too buggered ( I’m fasting for ekadashi bcoz Sandy the holy cow told me to) to continue writing bull so I’ll just sod off and watch some movies, do I?

And I dont really know why the topic of this post reads Quicksilver. It means
changing unpredictably: tending to change rapidly and unpredictably.
Microsoft® Encarta® 2006. © 1993-2005 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
So maybe it says something about my mood.. or maybe its just a load of toadstools like the rest of this post.

Time-out for now.

2007-09-27T19:35:00.000+05:30

Things happen too soon , too fast. It seems like God was in a big hurry to wrap this episode up. As it is we are a part of a giant endless sitcom directed by God Dearest. Just for laughs he makes us go through a rough patch and u can hear his laughter boom when you are down in the pits , all alone n miserable.
Right now, its just fatigue and over exhaustion. Being so lost, all the time is not good. There's this frenzy of thoughts in my head but they refuse to take form in words. Pointlessness has become the point of the matter. Meaninglessness provides meaning to this sad existence of ours when there's nothing that you can do except for playing through automated phases of life like androids. You work and think its worth something, something to keep you going. What do you take back- hours of you planning and organising and blah blah crap rather than hours spent doing nothing but having fun with friends??? Could it be because you have no 'friends' as such now? How far do you keep yourself and alienate yourself from your people who you know and who know you?
You keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. You reach the end and realise there's no opening at that end- it was god again playing jester shining a torch from the other end. You ultimately have to go back to those you left behind. And what if those you left behind are not there anymore? ( This is God's idea of character building learnt from bollywood)
There's this period in my life which seems to have been erased from my memory.. A gap i cant seem to fill.I cant recall where i was. Or mayb i can, except that it seems to be a movie running backwards too fast. It seems like sometime back i came back from home, then things started running through my hands. Elims n elims- this time on the other side, holding them for others Manzar International Debate, and some more debates. Then more elims- this time being the victim, going through an awful lot(Nirvikalpa- Marketing Assignment included selling Kabaddi to teh ultrarich and stress interview had me mono acting, dancing and telling a blonde joke). Then it was Christ College, Bangalore(Awesome experience to be recounted later in happy-er times) then back to Pune and Illuminare(critical analysis to be submitted at a later date), still so much work to do.. The day i decide to attend lectures, i come to know college is officially over and there are no more lectures being conducted, officially of course.
One of these professors couldnt help smiling at me when he saw me for the first time in his class. He was really nice to accept my Management Accounts assignments later(MA-in which im pitiable n the assignemnt in question was in the process of being copied when i had this urge and working net connection to compel me to leave it). Others havnt been that nice, so i've had to beg and plead them for extensions. Damned people do not understand that it is humanly not possible to sit in class and study and organise inter collegiate fests from withing the class!! MCQs comin up and im sure i'll b resorting to inky-pinky-ponky-father-had-a-donkey routine to get through them.
And then there's the best of all-Placement Cell ( an assortment of jesters selected through a stupid process from the college to help other clowns get placed in ''good companies'') My holidays are being cut short owing to placement cell work :(. Its so not Funny- I am Missing Home!!!!
I feel like i've forgotten something over here. Somewhere i seem to have lost track about what i was supposed to be blogging. Its ok, memory, time, availability of net and my laziness permitting i'll blog sometime soon about what i really wanted to blog.

Stupid Thought That Went Through My Brain Cells and Surpirsed the Shit Out of ME-
Can you let the light of stars lead you? or Do you have to fight the fates written by those stars??

Meaninglessnes-

2007-08-28T23:35:00.000+05:30

Something's so horribly missing..
its just this gaping void.. you cant seem to fill it, whatever you do..
i am as clueless about whats missing as i am about what i seek to fill that gap with...

Writer's Block keeps visiting again and again.. Its as if he's this dreaded ghost you wish stopped haunting you.. this unwanted guest who keeps knocking at every oppurtunity, you dont want to let him in, yet he forces himself in, stays for dinner without invitation and refuses to go... He doesnt just stem your creativity, he simply destroys your ability to write and express. Lethargy/boredom/pervasive pointlessness/habitual hyperactivity etcetra are some of its other names..

There's this surge of emotions- chaotic, distorted, formless and heavy- just no outlet to let go of them. Too many things locked up inside, so many irrelevant things released but..

Sharing secret joys and grief doesnt help.
it doesnt drive away guilt and loneliness.
it doesnt make you feel any lighter, any less troubled.
its just those things you let on when you cant take them anymore, but it doesnt help.
because you know saying things out aloud doesnt necessarily help matters ease, because you are not doing that to find solutions or attempting assauge a messy state of mind.

My horoscope for today says: "Nevertheless, your happiness may depend on your ability to let go of the paNevertheless, your happiness may depend on your ability to let go of the past."
But what do i let go of??
i almost feel i dont have any claims over these memories.. theres nothing i own to let go of...
i am happy, i think. but i feel i am not..
maybe feelings are not such a good thing at all.. how can they be? if their sole purpose is to create conflicts in your mind for which you dont have time and any space...

its pointless to find the meaning of life.. but who the fuck knows wats life anyways?????
i dont know what my life is or wat it means to me or any one else?( i doubt if anyone would be so jobless as to make my life matter to them, except of course my immediate family which i have now come to realise doesn really really cares about me beyond my cynical imagination)

As this post falls deeper down into an abyss of nonsense, and i realise i'm just doing this in a futile attempt to find some meaning as to what could have gone so horribly wrong with me to make me such a loser of a person, i want to know why i think i am a loser.
is it because i am not a looker at all and neither a genius of any sort? god said no to me in both the departments-- nor extreme good looks or extreme brilliance of mind with superscore of an IQ!!!
or is it just because i fail to see anything remotely special or different in myself? or is it just an incurable inferiority complex that i've been chronically suffering from??
(A self-critical and self-depreciating view of myself just doesnt sound as funny or cool as it does for others.)

Just staying busy doing work which you know will be anyways done irrespective of who's doing it, but which somehow makes you feel as if you have been a part of something which you'd like to believe you're an integral part of. At the end of the day, when i go to sleep do i feel i made a difference to anyone or myself, in which ever tiniest way possible or did i just add to the growing heap of meaningless hours, words and sighs spent??

busy- exams-thats it.

2007-08-08T18:08:00.000+05:30

i know i should be studying, or rather trying to figure out QT( thats quantitative theory i think, but hell when i first heard the name i kept looking around to see cuties :O)
exams are on now- 3 down 3 more to go. As usual i'm bummin abt now.. i've been wanting to blog for a while now n i kept complaining abt lack of time- which was incidentally not just another of my whining bouts but the truth- i was really busy.

right now im being distracted by an old school friend on gtalk(never dared to talk in school n now he's goin blah blah blah :X), so i'll jus bugger off now..
i'll blab to NERs sometime else..

FUN WEEKEND!!

2007-07-15T02:25:00.001+05:30

Well this weekend has been fun..
Friday- I go on telling everyone that I'm not going to Freshers party coz my roomie wasnt coming and I'd b lacking in company n blah blah reasons.. but then due to unexpected company and a lucky phone call, I did go to the Freshers. I'd resigned myself to watching The Incredibles(sigh..)
Sorry here to my roomie who got all worked up seeing me all cooped up and went to great lengths to try and cheer me up(she almost succeeded by calling Chetan!! Roomies-- well u just cant help loving them somehow :X :P).
So ..i go to the freshers..And I must say it was fun- the party that is.. Unlike last time where i was too sloshed to remember what i'd done(though others remember too well!!Darn!), this time around I was sober.For some reason a lot of people kept asking me how many shots i had and seemed to be surprised when i said none(why i wonder?)..GR comes up to me asking about it and recounts how funny i was last time- i wasnt aware that of all people he was one of the main witnessesback then,he's been so nice thru all this time.. But i'd promised my roomie i wont get drunk or rather not drink and Townie(whose call led me to change my mind about attending freshers at literally the last minute) had set my limit to one shot so i was good and nice and didnt drink(few swigs dont count,do they?). I had good fun dancing to usual crappy disco kinda songs wid so many diff people :P..(one of d cutest guys in college asked me to dance wid him-im all of a flutter,still:D) and came back all charged,happy,tired etc etc. Some kinda fight broke out there and d party kinda ended soon.. i'll be a teensy weensy bit whiny and wish the party had gone on for longer.. back home i got my bit of vodka and that put me to an amazing 12+ hours of sleeep.I got up at 2 or so..
Saturday -Today was good, too.No college- it wasnt a holiday, but then hell no one went. good break from all that Conoscenza activtiy..We(me n roomie ie) went for HARRY POTTER AND ORDER OF THE PHEONIX..and it was awesome. Obviously the book is far far better than the movie, but nonetheless the movie was superb.. luvvvvvvvvvved it..had amazing chelo murg from Blue Nile for dinner- wat more cud i ask for???
lets see how sunday funday goes...

Funny weekend fact: i dunno how i manage to spend and have fun even when im broke.maybe i will when my dad kills me for the expenses :D

Back-no bang--bit of a fizzz...

2007-06-08T23:22:00.000+05:30

i got a lot to say/blog/blab/express etc etc..
but im running short of time and net connection, ie i hav no net connection for now..
so in short-
college's started.
its good, ok- nice to be back..
im confused.. not really but confused.. a different matter altogether.
doesnt matter, its ok..
im tired n aching.. blame d gym n that constant enforced head banging at a gig last night.. it was kinda nice.. no confusing really.. im so confused.
i want a masseur(no innuendos) coz my backs hurting like hell...
i'm going into these weird mental zones where im thinking way too much, and trying hard at the same time not to think too much.. then there are those blank zones wherein im all empty and tired and inexplicably sad. why i wonder?
and i'm a sort of front bencher now-- terms jus started..n i seem to b liking sum subjects n paying attention and all tht stuff usually restricted to good students--whats wrong wid me???--
but i think i cud b recovering.. i hav bunked a few classes till now.. n today i managed to bunk d last lecture right while the prof was waiting to get in.. :D all smiles at that..
well ok thats it.. horrible cramp beginning to start in my neck... beginning to start-- is that correct english??
hell who cares?

idontknowwhatthisisabout..

2007-05-25T23:29:00.000+05:30

Loss hurts.Loss hurts even more when you dont even know- why, how??
Helplessness hurts and angers.
Not living upto expectations, letting them down hurts..
But then hell- life starts with hurt- ever heard of any baby coming out smiling or laughing?? what does doc do 1st??-slaps ur butt off 2 make u cry!!- there u go.. life is all aboutt hurt and pain and misery!!

But then yeah, you move on, realise smiling takes fewer facial muscles than frowning and learn happiness is the ideal state of existence, which you then never achieve for an extended period of time coz utopian states are not for real, are they??

Thus things that really once made you pull your hairs out (one of them wud be Ultra Doux Conditioner for Dry & Frizzy hair which after use makes ur hair if anything but more frizzier!!), would now manage to elicit a feeble smirk/chuckle from you. So now things like Ponds Facial Foam Face (now thats called alliteration!) Wash which never produces any foam at all nor does it manage to really clean your face or Parachute Therapie Hair Oil which claims to reduce hairfall by 90% but rather increases your probability to become prematurely bald- well they just give you a tiny window of oppurtunity to laugh at yourself for being stupid enough to purchase them.

Its not easy to tide over grief with such pathetic attempts at humour, but still a journey of thousand miles starts with a single step.. n so does a journey of thousand smiles with a single- err...PJ?

Im not sure if this piece belongs to this blog- it certainly doesnt seem to fit with the other lighter forms of crap.
Im not even sure what im blabbing about out here- but i just felt this urge to post :.. My internship's finally over( will be tomorrown that is) and i seem to be getting over my phase of lows-fits of the sullens, said Mrs.Weasley.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"—a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
US writer and humorist.

Pudd'nhead Wilson
Microsoft ® Encarta ® 2006. © 1993-2005 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

oh crap- arggghhhh !

2007-05-14T23:53:00.000+05:30

just a quick rant.. ( well a long one at that..)

i'll whine about phase one of my internship at some other leisurely point of time..for now let me just whine about topics in general..

first and foremost- the Symbiosis admission process into 2nd year--
the application process will drive you nuts, crazy, mad.. it is so so full of shit!!! 1st symbi doesnt give any announcement or instructions regarding the re-admission thingy till its really really imperative to do so. You call up Symbiosis- 1st number is forever busy, second line no one picks up, 3rd number which you get from unlisted sources is answered by someone who'll simply ask you 2 send d DD wid ur bare details like name, PRn no, dv etc.. But just 2 confirm you go and check d site where you realise symbii has done something good(false hopes, sigh!)..what it has done is to put up this online registration form which really is a second hand product derived by amalgamating d online admission for 1st years and maybe d re-admission forms of former batches.
It is a bloody five page long document, and requires to know :-
* your HSC,
* SET scores along with 'academic details of semesters given' which proves 2 b a really difficult criteria coz very few symbiians really bother to keep such trivia in some wasted corner or their brains or document folders;
* your birth details(well almost every thing except your mothers' obstetrician's name);
* your permanent address, local adress;
* info abt ur local guardian- mandatory- irrespective of the fact that you necessarily may not have a LG;
* it asks you to sign in the centre ( dead centre ok!) of a box in black ink (only black ink please, glad they didnt ask for special fountain pen);
* and staple one and stick one photo at appropriate boxes (boxes which seemingly ask for passport size but are meant for stamp size);
* you're required to enclose with this uber-simple application form DDs (for tution, hostel and mess), photocopies of exam marksheets (all d exams that you gather are crucial for ur r-admission, but then which symbiian really does have his/her sem marksheets really safe?!), proof of local address and two passport size photos(again).
To add to this, the form apparently is for admission into 1st year of symbiosis BBA, a mistake which no one has bothered to correct even after promising 'to look into the matter' n if you call up d office regarding this, one bloke listens to you blab for approx 90 seconds then leaves you listening to those annoying mechanical tunes. All this is so typical of Symbiosis. We at Symbiosis just cant seem to shed this BureauCRAZY- perhaps symbii considers this a part of our training, early introduction to Babudom in its milder form!
For others it may seem im just whining about something which is very normal- but really, symbiians wud agree our college just loves to do everything in a long, over drawn exercise which is bound to really really piss you off!

Then comes d great-indian-family-summer-reunion-thingy wherein relatives would come to your place and you have to play the gracious host. In this mumbai heat- i really dont think its a very good plan! Ok,maybe im speaking like the archetypal teenager who cant handle generation gap and doesnt understand her grandparents. But hell- i really can get along with senior citizens but for no reason can i get along wid my dearest mom's mommy dearest coz i've talked wid her barely a dozen times and those times too have proved sufficiently discouraging coz everytime it has been abt what am i studying currently, how expensive life has gotten to be now and how i've inherited monster-like qualities from daddy dearest @$#$%% !!!
Its enough of a pain in u-knw-wher to be working at a NGo concerning kids/children/teenagers/adolescents- but then to have at home my dear 12 year old cousin who REALLY LOVES MALLS -the typical, eager-to-visit-everyplace-which-gives-ample-oppurtunity-for-shopping kinda girl n who likes to talk about fav filmstar/color/career/etc and her equally 'wow' 'best friends' most of the time- well it can really strain you to be nice when in reality im oh-so-mean!!!
Despite being an extroverted, overtly social person at times, i can get into d anti-social ( or rather anti-filial ) modes and then my patience is really tested- its my summer vacation for christs sake!!! while mommy dear would haggle wid me for every tiny expense incurred by me in no-relatives-over peacetime, she suddenly becomes RBI when her folks are over, dad too :( - i agree im sounding very juvenile here, but hell im like that only. and then sleeping in d living room on the sofa-cum-bed (kiddie zone eh!)--i've 2 b nice-helpful-adjusting-good girl till sunday now :

And then i have my second phase of my internship- its not compulsory now, i've completed my work, but then im obliged to help my boss who gave me my 1st real job whn i was still in junior college n terribly under-experienced. this time around it wud be easy i think- coz i've already been there, done that ( ie managing a kids' summer workshop ) but this time around i'l hav 2 get up early coz there's only one batch- morning batch :( ... then i have my bosses who can amaze you with their take-it-easy-approach to everything- which boss would carelessly misplace ur pen drive containing imp files and reports? - or wud at times completely forget abt such things??

So from tomorrow- ( mayb d new eyes wud help :P)
its all about being nice to kids, cousins, senior citizens, bosses, mommy n daddy, n others while living with the recognition of the fact ( a fact which i've believed strongly for quite some time now) that it is just not in my nature to be nice.

Dictionary Tales

nice
nice [niss]
(comparative nicer, superlative nicest)
adjective

1. pleasant: pleasant or enjoyable
2. kind: kind, or showing courtesy, friendliness, or consideration
3. respectable: respectable, or of an acceptable social or moral standard
4. good-looking: pleasing to look at
5. accomplished: skilful and accomplished
6. subtle: subtle and involving delicacy or fine discrimination
7. fastidious and fussy: very concerned and careful about choosing, or being seen to do, the right thing

[13th century. Via Old French < Latin nescius 'ignorant']
Microsoft® Encarta® 2006. © 1993-2005 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

Now you understand- i cannot ever be nice if it means all these things.
( erm.. well.. er maybe subtle at times, only that, only at times...)

The year that was- beginning

2007-04-04T21:16:00.000+05:30

all good things come to an end (apologies for this cliched beginning, but i must..)
its hard to believe that a year- a bloody full year in symbi- has come to an end, finally. it has been some year. let me go back a bit in time..

21st June- Induction. We're all awed by it all... the magnificient dome at SIMS Khadkee, Speakers, Yudi :P.. the whole bloody thing!I'm all jumpy excited- gung ho man!! In all that excitement i'm talking to this bubbly girl and asking her which room she's in only to get the reply "your room".. if i thought i was excited i didnt know Aakriti my roommate-hyperactiveness, bubbliness in the most exlplosive form, in a good way(at times) though :) I'd never seen anyone so excited at the prospect of being ragged!!. Contrast to my other roommate lovingly caled Princess who im sure did the whole world a great favour by coming to Symbi and a honor to be our roommate( i hope u get d sarcasm). The whole four days of induction- friends made, promises made to be friends through the whole 3 years, calling ourselves The OG(again the masterwork of my Aakriti), short for Owl Group-owning to our tendency of staying up all night and babbling away to glory. Ah! it fel so nice- like being home :)

26th June- College starts.Introductions Introductions and some more introductions. some coincidence that college ended on 26th MArch 2007- jus 2 months short of being called a year... its strange how once college starts and you are put into separate classes all that hostel bonhomie frendship evaporates.. it may have just happened to us.. but still.. the friendships didnt last even 3 months, wonder if we wud hav really made it through 3 years.. by my birthday only it was so apparent that we were drifting apart..

29th july- since almost anyone who knows me or knows my frends : knows about this. Freshers Party- god it was crazy. i was high n high. thanks to tosham(also calld possum by me for reasons i dont knw),zubs,simmi n some others too for being there wid me. if it hadnt been for zubs i dunno wat crazy stuff i'd have done. i hav never said it but i wish to now- thank you jui for being there wid me- thru out. :) the hangover and subsequent embarassing accounts by others was a lot to dissaude me from going to symbii parties.indeed it has been till now my first and last party- a symbii party as such.

2nd august- my birthday :D i'll always remember this one- i turned 18 and had gotten my best bday party yet.. aakriti n gang got me a cake n we had this public cake cutting thing.. then came the real thing. Jui(Zubs), Sanchari(Sancho Panza,Fresher Queen :P) Gauri(Biker) Anuja(Anna- suffice wid that) had planned up this elaborate birthday treat.with the standard gifts n cake- there was d packet of condom(its some tradition anna put us on to- wen anyone turns 18, u gift him/her a condom!!) i recall the way they managed to get it as pretty amusing (though very embarassing for gauri,poor, who had to do the job) well she got to keep it while i kept only d packet cover :P!! they had also managed to sneak in cigs n vodka!! god it was some party!! just the five of us.. man it has been the best bday surprise i've ever had.
speaking of surprises i wudnt forget anirudh's bday gift and niether the fact that he'd invited himself for a treat and gone on pulling my leg throughout d evening :X.. well d evening seemed a bit of downer seeing that all those invited were seen in groups, distant and as if they wud b anywhere but here.. only the 5 of us, possum n anirudh of course wer having a good time....

hell. for now- ths is it.. later wen i can think n stand 2 put it all out...

Nine Things in the Newspapers that are driving ME up the wall :

2007-04-04T20:47:00.000+05:30

1. Island City to get less power, but to pay more- Oh Wow! What Good NEWS!! they are announcing it as if India has put a man on the moon. how fair and just is it to suffer power cuts during this bloody swelteringly hot summer and to add insult to injury pay more for that!! Agreed there's massive shortage of power in the state but who asked the state to make up plans to distribute free power else where. keep the streetlamps on in broad daylight and turn them off when its dark- thats state's electricty saving policies for you.
under this the Mumbai Mirror asks "should south mumbai have power cuts?"
and why shouldnt it???? some dork says " I dont think its fair for south mumbai to face power cuts as the economic growth of the entire mumbai city will come to a halt. If the hospitals there do not get electricty, the patients will have to suffer. it will also hamper industrial growth." tell me dude wat abt hospitals in other parts of mumbai??? nowadays anyways nariman point and other south mumbai hubs are being taken over in terms of business volume by hubs in BKC,Mulund and other suburbs.

2. EMI rates for home loans increased- yes! very good! make the private banks richer while making sure you leave the middle class without any aid to make investments in the lucrative real estate or even letting them buy homes for their old age.. someday when i'll b looking to buy my own flat i'll b paying more than half of my salary in paying EMIs. :X

3. The Pramod Mahajan Trial- Pravin Mahajan murdered his brother. He has himself admitted so, confessed to the crime. There were eye witnesses who have established the same. yet the "defence" grills Mrs.Mahajan and it seems that it asked her questions about the colour of her fridge, the bottles kept inside and other such trivia. Imagine wasting time on such open shut cases where there are hundreds and thousands of cases piling dust on their covers. Just because they are concerned with famous personalities and attract more attention from the media, these cases are being used as examples of 'swift justice'. Thank the lawyers who have complained about the swift trials of just the "powerful" leaving the poor to languish in labyrinths of postponed court hearings, transferred judges and a seemingly indifferent judiciary system to the CJ.

4. Hype and Hoopla over introduction of Sex Education in Schools- Most people interviewed have given a postive response to the whole idea it seems. Yet the state legislature thinks otherwise. The same bloody tendency to play moral police forever.You ban FTV, AXN, Orkut, detain couples frm bandstand, set up an enquiry committee to probe Carol Gracias and a host of other models' "wardrobe malfunction" while leaving hundreds of complaints and FIRs related to much more important issues unattended. As it is any child just needs to log on to the internet or open the Mirror itself to get an adequate dose of daily titillation. What else is the State gonna BAN???

5. Malakar outlasts another detractor- Its not so much the news but the people involved in it that infuriates me. Some NRI singing his way to glory with only modest talent as they say, some blogger goes on a hunger strike to protest against his selection and then chickens out knowing the futility of the purpose citing "doctors orders" as if the doctor waited to see the american idol results(a whole bloody 16 days!) before giving his "orders". Its not indian idol- its just that there some PIO involved!!

6. Tussauds comes to MUMBAI- you'd think the wax museum is opening up in Kalaghoda this spring! but no they r coming in the year 2009,2010... so its just that we've been given 2 years to get ready for the frenzied excitement of having wax statues of celebs from all over the world. next they will b giving us the list of bollywood nymphets and bloated-up 'heroes' whose statues will feature in the musuem. bet mallika sherawat and rakhi sawant would fight for the most vulgar bust(literally)! mayb we would have abhi-ash posing wid mummy papa- amitabh and jaya- epoch making news!!

7. Mumbai Mirror's Health Tips-
I. To reduce varicose veins, it is important to do regular exercise, walk, run, cycle and swim to keep blood vessels healthy- they forgot mentioning yoga, reiki, atkins diet, et al.
II. If you get wounded and blood is running out, use blend tea on the injured area to stop bleeding immediately - am i supposed to carry a pouch containing Earl Grey, Darjeeling, Oolong, Green, Ceylon tea( blend tea, anyone?) all the time around my neck like a first aid kit????

8. Jlo ditches bling to go on Jury Duty- i can hardly believe that you'd think that anyone, even someone as stupid as Jlo would think of going in a diamond studded bikini for jury duty! its actually the paparazzi that regrets Jlo keeping her ass-ets under wraps and hence the news.

9. Desi Tycoon plans parallel Cricket league- India cant manage the heroic eleven, imagine having a dozen clubs containing more of such heroes. imagine the number of endorsements of shampoos, colas, Tvs, Shoes, apparel, Accessories, soaps, hair oils, tyres, insurance schemes, fans, bulbs, tubelights, toilet paper and a host of other such products that these players would feature in. Greg's already blabberring about d "mafioso" in d indian cricket team hurting the sentiments of many senior players in the process. so who'll be the godfather when cricekt leagues come up??Subhash Chandra(ZEE head honcho) plans to invest 100 crores in his scheme.i'm sure our eleven heroes cumulatively make more than that in a year with their endorsements alone.

i'm too tired and irked to go on about the top ten stories that drew my horns out, so i hav left it at just 9. :O :(

Ides of March

2007-03-10T20:19:00.000+05:30

If I’d thought my woes would end with February I was very mistaken.(Oh wow, what a nice novel way to start!)
Last day of February – last working day of our college. It was nothing like last days are supposed to be like. It as very boring plain and un interesting. Coz we all knew- its not really the end. There were vivas, MCQs and term-end exams before we get to say goodbye, have a nice summer. To add to that my PPM prof comes and hands me the job to write “her speech for the TY Farewell”. I was also assisting Anuja sell newsletters and was surprised beyond measure to know that it was “sold-out” even before lunch time!!!
I’m not a very good speech writer ~ oratory is not my forte, though I can jam decent enough. Ma’m tells me to write about “her experience with the TYs”, “how she would feel when they would be leaving” and the like.. with the internet to my rescue I come up with somewhat so-so speech and rush back 2 pack and leave for home.
I come home making plans of really doing some productive work, maintaining a healthy exercise regime and crap like that. I ‘d brought back my notes to ‘study’ and almost all of my wardrobe to be given for laundry. The latter was done, the former never took off. Late night internet surfing, chatting, watching movies made sure I never got up before 11 a.m. the rest of the day was spent getting together with friends, watching some more movies and sleeping some more. I stretched about once in the name of exercise.
I ask my friends to help me bungle up my vivas date- its on Monday 5th and I don’t wanna return on 4th (my friend said I was crazy not giving my viva because I didn’t want to return on Sunday) my friend tells the prof another story n I tell her some other story but still she orders me to meet her the afternoon next day. I oblige- catch the earliest bus I could manage, hurry up to the college and without even asking around or exchanging return greetings change into my uniform and all. Then I come to know that our dear ma’m is not well and hence wont come today. Wow! What a day!
Complaining and whining as usual, I somehow get down to copying answers for MCQs from someone’s set and by the end of the day decide that rather than wasting my time copying answers I can just directly read from her set. The only good thing about the whole bloody day was we saw our future flat and were bowled over by it. We just hopped back to our hostel being all happy and excited over shifting next term.
7th March
The day of the MCQs- we’re a set of disorganized, unprepared and mildly indifferent people trying to score the bare minimum so as to ensure that we are passing our internals in all subjects. Accs vivas are scheduled for 2mrw morning. SID had its fest going on so we were way too distracted thinking about a whole lot of things other than our impending doom. By late afternoon we’ve just given up trying to even read those crappy questions. If nothing we’re just gonna resort to doing inky-pinky-ponky-father-had-a-donkey routine or make patterns with the options or jus select only one option- either a,b,c, or d for every answer that we don’t know ( the probability for getting more no. of right answers on this method is more than the others)
My page takes a long while to download and appear- meanwhile I’m helping my friend son either side, telling answers I ‘think’ are right. After an eternity the page does come and I am all set to go. Within 30 minutes or so I’m done and see that Anuja’s still going on.. I wait some more and check recheck ( not that I’d get right answers on rechecking, but heck wat else to do?) the questions like 3-4 times before we both finally get to click “SUBMIT” and get done with this shit.
8th March
Next day- accs vivas. We go in to ask ma’m when to report and find her checking her orkut scraps!!!!!!! 20 minutes she says. We go down for breakfast and find theres nothing but d juice shop open. I get this watermelon juice which is as cold and freezing (or more) as CCD’s Iced Eskimo. Anuja nicely pushes me in to go 1st and Gilby seems very amused at me being his first victim of the day. Gilby jus grilled and grilled me. Killing me softly with his smile and words. Teaching me stuff right there and taking my revision too- during my vivas. Asking every goddamned thing but my topic- time keeping and booking. I guess I was in there forever getting academically screwed. In the end, asks me to do a favor for him( oh yeah right). My friend Anuja goes in. I go down to the job come up in 2 minutes and find her standing outside with her vivas done. I was d only one to be kept in quarantine there.
I have to have to study stats else I’d b backlogged for sure- but then I’ve been watching movies, reading (freakonomics- interesting) writing this.
I’m doomed. But what the heck- do you think it is very interesting to start stats from scratch and do it all by yourself when there are so many distractions and temptations lying around??
Bad excuse- didn’t work. I’m doomed.

February is the Busiest Month!!!*

2007-02-23T15:55:00.000+05:30

*apologies for such a bland and un-imaginative(?!) title

why is feb the busiest time of the year?? Ananya gets over n we have the ghost of projects/assignments/comapny visits et al on our heads. Accompanied by Youth Activism Day, V-Day,how much ever i try not to hate the day, i jus keep failing miserably( this time i'd gone 4 d antakshari comptn at UNIFY in which we lost :X), Japanese delegation (why, oh why?) and MCQs and a host of other menaces.Youth activism day n V-day~ordeal was over in relative quick succesion. Japanese delegation(Students from The Obirin University,Japan) arrives on Monday, we are informed on Friday or so and i'm clueless as to how we are gonna "interact" with them. Profs in charge do not know whether the students understand english or not or whther they are undergrads like us.The profs tell us its an "informal" session which we are gonna fill up wid ppt presentations about India and its great diverse culture,religion blah blah. They do not want any of the topics (or pictures mainly) assigned to overlap but the topics given are culture of India, Religions of india, Monuments in India, Traditions in india and god-knows-wht-not in inida. Only pics 2 b ther in the ppt, n no pointer texts. But then we have to show all that we are gonna "read out or say" during the ppt! The 1st day we have sum female frm sum NGO come n giv us a ppt abt "women's issues and concerns in india"-womens movement and stuff, the stats quoted in which would make u question ur own logical statistical aptitude n the general sanity of the presenter and you would be left with the question "why are we telling our woes to those Japs? why dont we let them sleep in peace?" (quite a few of them were just here to sleep). Two whole days of "interaction" which included about 10 presenations frm our side n some lines exchanged that bore some semblance to personal interaction. The second day was much better than the first, we had figured out names of atleast 5 japanese students by then. It was a nice n different experience, i guess,but cant stop whining about it nevertheless. And while all this was happening, Anna's frend Himanshu had come and me n Anna had sneaked out from the hostel. Had too much fun :D- different story, saving it for sometime else, when i 'd really need to look back upon "fond memories" to get out of the constantly pathtetic existence of mine.

There was the OB(call it outstanding bullshit- its just english in reality) test on stress after it, in which all i could think was " i'm stressed ". Then i wake up to reality one fine day before today and realise that i have to submit my Business English and Costing projects on Saturday and Monday and that i havnt even started working on either. I have managed to buy notes and MCQs but i'd just shock myself if i ever use them anytime hours befor ethe exams.

I thought i'd play it smart for Business Eng n use the report on Academic Summit which Vibhav n Me had written n i'd manipulate the findings and all that. Turns out the report is no longer on my laptop or with anyone with whom i'd thought it would be. As for the Acc. project- all i hav wid me is the letter from college. All in all, i've been ranting on about how busy it is these days, but havnt been doing all that much to resolve the problems on hand. Tomorrow i hav 2 submit my Business Eng project n there's way too much to do, but i sit here blogging, writing an extra long post.

YOUTH ACTIVISM DAY.

2007-02-12T23:22:00.000+05:30

After all that work till 3 last night- it was so so impossible not to snooze the alarm 8 times, from 7 a.m. to 8.20 a.m.
managing to reach college somehow, missed the bus obviously.
after attending two lecs, we head to register ourselves- 11th hour people as always. get print-outs of our posters n get working.
our cause- STOP CHILD ABUSE. we have 4 posters n one badge pic. badges worked really well. people put them on willingly and many came to us asking for it. we even forced some people, celebs in college to wear them.but then some were also ready to buy it from us ( gave us a good idea for next yeras campaign)! ok all in all- our badge was a hit!! almost evryone could be seen wearing one by the end of three hours of our working around. i make up some powerpoint presentaion, throwing in random facts chosen on some instinctive yet lowly intellectual level. we began with just me n Anna. Udrrek joined in. Sakina, Aj, Agnav also joined in. Presentaion was ok(dunno whether its an understatement or overstatement)- judges n Dr. B grilled us- got kinda screwed. but its ok. atleast we tried.
it was a bustling active day today. i was glad to see so many people taking up a cause, supporting it, or the fact that they atleast bothered. Trying is better than sitting on the sidelines and commenting, i swear.

due to all this hustle n bustle we missed teh movie screening for Hotel Rwanda. But then we went for the movie screening of Water(giving our english presentation a slip one more time). its ok. Me n Anna, like inane, insensitive souls were foolin around making jokes. it was real sad in the ending. the movie promoted our cause, in a way it did. :P.

from now on..

god give me some more brains and heart,

to not crib about very small suffering my way,

for there are a million others somehwere,

who suffer much more, a lot more than we can imagine.

ok that doesnt mean i'm shutting down this blog( much to the displeasure of NERs).

i shall keep whining, so that one day i realise that all this whining had lent perspective to my views, propelling me to try n improve the condition in which i currently am into a non-whining, peace-loving, contented one.( wht crap?) a very difficult mission indeed.

Campus Rock Idols-a rock illiterate's view. Day 2

2007-02-12T16:29:00.000+05:30

Sunday,11th Feb'07.

got up late. jus 11 a.m.( i knw, i knw its too early actually).
hav sum meager breakfast.wash clothes.we do not hav passes for the finals of CRI. we do not hav late out permissions.
a call to dad, some nice well said pleading( to both hitlers- dad and warden) we get our late-outs. whooopeeeeeee!! out till 11.30p.m.!! one who's not from our hostel and is not fattoo like us cant possibly imagine the exhilaration we were experiencing then. lucky day- warden's birthday.

after a lot of time,part of which was spent on working a bit for next day's campaign, we get ready and leave. finally- with interruptions like forgetting to take cellphone, i card, deo, and god-alone-knows-what-not!!

my resolution to not waste money on food and sticking to health food diet is broken with the amazing chicken biryani and yaam gai (sum friggin chicken salad-tatsed good though) at polka dots.rueben calls n msgs anna like a dozen million times before landing there, in the meanwhile ordering for nachos n cheese from his auto.
we finally reach elysium lawns a 5.30. an hour after the event was scheduled to start.three of us without entry passes. anna n rueben going on blabbering about whether we can enter with only our i cards or not. rueben gets on his cell every other moment, trying to find answers mayb. i go n ask the security- simple enough. we get in just to find that the its a long time till the event starts. bum around with others we know. one freaky moment- SHADES talkin to one of wid guys wid whom we were talking- oh god i was so wishing to jump up n down n do a mexiacan hat dance around Anna but i brought down my excitement to my evil grin. :D :D.
Rueben n Anna again take to troubling me due to which i go bump against 3 unknown persons- which i'm sure gave them enough reason to laugh,grin and smile. :X
Aj n his frend, whose name we didnt get till midnight began, offers me a smoke-which actually turned out to be pot!!, which i refused owing to Anna's vehement dissent. the vent finally starts. all gung-ho. we look for some more people whom we knw.we meet Anna's frends chetan, aditya n their frends. somehow they chose a place like near the toilets to be our meeting point!!! all engrossed in fagging, bumming around. kinda lost. soem head banging here n there, else jus sitting n babbling. passing on one lone cig amongst 7 ppl until the security comes n stubs it out.
finally head to the bar, anna tryin real hard to get high drunk managing to get partially high which is not any better.snatches of song yellow makes us run towards the crowd ahead. some more cheering, looking for someone, bumming around it finally comes to an end. FTN (Fuck the name- thts the band's name!!!), a band from Rueben's school,Delhi wins the comptn, for which Anna screams n whoops in joy as if her own band has won!!!
time to leave- wonder where to go for dinner. after some procrastination and a lot of confusion,Chetan, me n aditya on one bike ( yeah three of us on one bike!!!) n Anna n Saleel on one bike n Rueben Aj n his frend join us later at Uncle's Chinese- another common favourite KP haunt. a whole lot of fooling around and laughing there- one cant help but keep laughing in the company of such -oh-so-fuckin-funny guys. 11 p.m time for us to leave. Rueben, Aj n Agnav(finally we got his name- it ws not arnav nor,definitely not hrithik as Aj had told) still waiting for their yang chow fried rice, my recommendation- poor people at uncle's chinese had run out of noodles!
lookin desperately for an auto, Anna gets the urge to eat ice cream at Naturals there. so we ask one reluctant yet ready auto guy to wait while we get her icecream.
back at hostel-gates locked upon us. stupid security people.bluffed our way.
boring gig. but it was fun i guess.they played yellow- which acc to Anna is the highlight of the event.
back to working for 2mrw's youth activism day.
not a very gut nacht at 3 a.m.

Campus Rock Idols-a rock illiterate's view. Day 1

2007-02-11T11:18:00.000+05:30

Saturday,10th Feb'07. after some wasted day as usual- bummed around in college doing nothing, again failing to give the english presentation, nor working on something for the college youth activism day as i had promised myself to do, even gymming was a futile exercise since i keep stuffing myself with foodstuff thats for sure not health food,i head back to hostel for a quick shower( a downright lie- i.e. no showers in hostel. jus the good old bucket ka paani)
We head to Elysium Lawns,KP- our fav place in Pune. Yet.
My 1st time there. In Campus Rock Idols(CRI). Anna's home now. Its her place-Rock events.
Some band's playing. Some crappy host blabbing on, asking the cold indiffernt crowd (at that time) to get bit moving/grooving/rocking/anything other than sitting on their asses. Anna n Me spot SHADES- i leave no stone unturned to act myself and embarass Anna to death with my antics.
We meet some guys from our own college. Hang around with them for some time.
( right now, hostel chicks-design i'm sure, :-> - playing doori- atif aslam again n again n againn its not good.sum jamming session. not good, not at all.)
Rueben derives some sadistic pleasure in poking my sides n making me jump hysterically. Anna n he then go for drinks where i'm the sole source of amusement n entertainment for them and they again resort to pulling my (short)legs.
see some real moshpet up-close. one of us goes and stands amidst the mosh. standing like a security guard, glares at all n then finally lends his way too solid support to some group.
our resolution broken by Aj's frend's goldflakes offering.
i dunno if the bands were amazing or sucked big time.
i dunno if it was a cool rock event or not.
i dunno what i-a philstine in all matters rock, was doing there.
all i know is that we had an awesome time. atleast Anna's been all jumping and freaky happy about it.
gut nacht. :)

Whats your Goddess Identity?

2007-02-06T14:08:00.000+05:30

i gave this test on tickle.com..
and these are my results..
super-funny.

goddess identity:

You're Muse!

Alpana, you're Muse!

Known for your creative powers, you Muses are the poets and musicians of life, the patrons of the fine arts. It's funny, though — even with your inspirational prowess, you're probably not the type to boast about your guitar-strumming skills, or your latest published book of verse.While it's great when people flock to you for ideas, there probably is a part of you that prefers to blend in sometimes — whether dressing in muted shades or staking out a one-on-one conversation at parties and social events. But try as you might not to hog the spotlight, others can't help but notice you. Must be hard to be such a goddess! Despite any lingering modesty, you might be surprised at how much your mere presence can help improve the lives of those around you by infusing them with ideas and good thoughts. With that kind of healing energy, your inspirational ways have the potential to change the world, Muse. Whether you're scribbling sonnets, boogying with your friends, or drawing your own constellations — you're tapped in. So keep your eyes wide open to the possibilities and let that inspiration flow!

What's Your Goddess Identity?

Brought to you by Tickle

To do:

2007-02-05T13:48:00.000+05:30

1.Complete my planning assignmet/ project- for which

i 1st need to get some company details abt their rules, procedures, goals, objectives, blah blah and all the shit that they do.

then i must make a word document.

then finally make a powerpoint presentation in which i believe i've had a headstart- considering that i've made 3 slides containing the Subject-PPM( thats Principles n practices of management- old tosh of crap), the topic -Planning( which is an alien idea to me) and my name( i worked maximum on this slide despite the fact being that i claim to rather dislike my name)

2.Clean my room. This task includes many more sub- tasks :

cleaning my wardrobe- separating piles and piles of clothes and folding them and all that or rather,

shifting my stuff from one wardrobe to another completely or partially (depending upon whether we are getting the third new roomie or not).

cleaning up both the tables and shelves- the dust on them can cause asthama.

washing bedsheets and pillowclothes and the small heap[including smelly socks :( ] in my laundry basket.

gathering all the containers and spoons and whatever i possess and cleaning them properly and keeping them somewhere safe, where i can find them when i need them.

arranging footwear- very imp.

3. better start preparing something for the coming accounts project- dont wanna mess up wid this teacher.

4. complete reading one book/ novel.

5. start practising dance again- reckoning i may have to perform on stage after more than 2 years or so.

6. lose some more weight or rather flab/fat ( my dad expects me to weigh as much as, or maybe less than a 9 yr old would, ignoring the fact that i may look like 14-15 yr old kid though i'm actually gonna be 19 :) in seven months or so..) and finally get the trainer to actually do something other than just blabbing about too much exercise and eating food.

7. plan my singles only 14th feb party to celebrate or rather curse our single status. but as i mentioned earlier planning's not my cup of tea or coffee or whtver. still- lets just put it on my agenda for the month.

8. finally get down to writing something- anything, anything at all... or rather get done with what i have started and left mid way to fool around on something completely insignificant and inconsequential.

Turkish Delight?

2007-01-24T23:35:00.000+05:30

too many things happening- a lot more to blab n bore NERs
but for now- this happened yesterday evening...

Turkish Delight- rather a turkey vulture.

Hot cute guy sitting across
us at German Bakey, our haunt.
Bald guy with scary hair around
and a silly goatee to match,
happens to be hottie's friend.
With ciggies in his hand,
(the bald guy,unfortunately)
hijacks our favourite bench,
along with his other ugly friend.
Says "Smoking is bad for health"-
Bloody Filthy Hypocrite,
Asks," Do I look Indian?"
We nod, hesitantly nod.
Talks about himself, us and Bombay,
Then finally says,"I'm from Turkey."
Asks us a thousand more questions
to which we lie with all integrity and wit.
His ugly friend watches the show,
lets him try his best to hit on us-
very very bad attempt.
I'm busy making up
imaginary names and places,
while Anna's taking his number
force-fed to her N80.
Urging me to be done with
my omlette,toast and ginger tea;
Trying in vain to be un-obvious,
signalling urgent departure.
Some flimsy fake promises made
to meet on some unforeseen weekend,
we scram the hell out of there,
screamin,"WTF?!" in hushed voices,
walking as fast as my short legs
can carry the other short half,
bursting into giggles momenatrily,
turning around to check and double-check,
clicking " traffic in motion"
for some un-doable project, we finally
get a rick before the driver refuses.
Laughing our butts off in there,
we ponder whats with the place?
we always encounter such nutters,
asking ppl out all over space.
only way out: temporary avoidance.
for another two weeks( or mayb less)
lets say no- to German Bakery.

Da Gym-exercise,slog,stare n come back to hog.

2007-01-09T15:36:00.000+05:30

The only reason im boring NER(thts non existent readers..im too lazy to type it in every post)

with this continuous onslaught of posts is bcoz i get my heavy(for me atleast) laptop only few times a week nowadays n today im in da mood to blog.

ok so now about the whole gymming thing...im not obese(not yet),i want 2 lose weight n flab n fat so tht i can get back into 26-inch waistline jeans.

2nd jan.. d official 1st day at symbii, pune, in d new year for me..me n zubs decide to go to gym.. sleeping,whining(abt not being able 2 sleep 4 long enuf), complaining(abt my trackpants which were body-fitting at d bottom much to my displeasure and im ashamed to admit tht i dont have ne long loose baggy kinda t shirts almost evry1 has!!) n panting(thats me!!) we reach d college gym..

1.d gym instructor asks if its our 1st time..i say yes d very 1st time(never needed it before ).(liar zubs nods wid full force).

2. he thn takes us into thi sroom 2 warm up in which whenver me n zubs were fighting hard not to laugh whnver we caught each other in d mirror in front..

3. he takes us to do cardio for 5 mins on each.. i try the cycle its ok..can see zubs nicely jogging on d treadmill on my side..

4. i do the treadmill where i go back at one point of time n jus managed to walk at a measely speed of 6 or so while others start wid tht level.

5. do crunches then- (too ahsamed to mention teh number of times)

6. my classmate who's into gymmin n has a gud body decides 2 bless me wid sum tips n suggests this exercise to increase my height n love handles.. very good for me. bad thing though i cud never reach the bars 2 hold so tht i could hang from them.. tehotehr gym instructor got 4-5 weights n made me stand on them,with few ppl around lookin at the fun show i ws performing, n asked me to jump and get hold of d bars( i think %$%&%& u.. n i say- no no no no i cant i cant..4get it lets do sumthing else)

7. now dis classmate again thinks up a new exercise for me- leg ups. this time zubs,instructor n 2-3 others r surrounding me while i try my best 2 lift my legs up.. i think i managed to displace them in the vertical direction by almost 6 inches(exaggeration i admit). all this while zubs laughing like she's watching d funniest friends episode or something in that league.. n d rest r amused/bemused watching me struggle- lucky ppl didnt hav 2 watch tht for too long- i gave up after 2-3 attempts.

8. we leave,FINALLY for hell's sake. we meet Anna aft tht n zubs regales her wid tales of me fooling n blundering around in d gym.. abt d guys we cud check out there-some hot-bods aroun ahem ahem.. n oh yes i did d weight check at sum point n ws overjoyed 2 knw i'd lost 2 kgs-laugh as much as u want- but 2 kgs is 2 kgs.

9.then i have mango lassi, allu bhujia, lip chips(they r so so tasty n amazing.yummmmmmmmm) in teh course of d night.(some diet food aft d gym,huh??) my legs starts hurting so much i can barely get up. it happens wid d 1st time i've heard. so i'll not curse my weaknesses, but rather believe in hearsay.

10. late night-we blab,bitch, do crazy orkut stuff(hail anna's internet card) n finally doze off to sleep at 3( th ws me,i guess thes 2 sat up bitchin,or for decency's sake blabbing till 4)

i wake up sumhow at 7 n ask aloud wat do we do? anna says go back 2 sleep, so i do. wake up at 2 or 3.my legs still hurt n i go to brush only in late aftnoon.

then we order this humungously,obscenely huge amount of food(5 naans,half chicken handi-tht could feed 10 ppl,n half plate dum chicken biryani---all this 4 jus 3 of us). obviously we fail 2 eat all of tht however big hoggers/gluttons we might be. n aft this super-uber-heavy lunch n a miniscule siesta me n zubs do manage to get up n go 2 d gym.

d usual routine.. its been almost a week since i've joined n i hav lost 1 more kg in d process-again laugh as much as u may want,1 kg is 1 kg. i do it everyday-check weight tht is- so aft this blogathon i'll go down 2 gym n try 2 lose a bit more calories than i did yesterday n do another weight check. lol-gym-lol!

to zubs.. may her laptop rest(or come back) in one piece.

2007-01-09T13:39:00.000+05:30

a new year has come..
i hav joined the gym in a vain n futile attempt to lose all that flab...
those embarrassing moments 2 b posted soon,someday,whtver...
d main thing however is...
zub's laptop got stolen sunday tht was..from the hostel and evryone's fkin stumped how it happened.. weird thing being that someone(whoever stole the laptop most probably) stole teh laptop charger first, then realsied tht the charger alone wont help her ( her coz its a girls hostel n stray dogs are more welcome in our hostel than guys are, though guys at times are even worse than those creatures..)- thn nicely came around to her room n stole the laptop frm teh bag..
its weird we 5 keep our rooms lockers evrything open n for use out there..
funny sancho's laptop was there on her table, open and on, n the "theif" went to the last bed, took out the almost 3 kg heavy big compaq latop from zub's bag!! earlier gaurz' money had been stolen from her locked locker...
someone jus stole a laptop!! it ws funny at first! we did search everyroom,wel almost i think.. in teh cupboards, under beds, in suitcases. evry goddamned place.. but i(WE) dont really think the "thief" would hav nicely kept it lying in her room.....
n yestday sum stupid sid bimbettes came 2 search our rooms!!
idiots.watevr..
now am bunking bepc n bloggin n we go 8 mins left 2 turn off laptop, 1st log off d net, run down 3 flights of stairs, go the taj(asap!!!) thn crash into class 4 OB....

mood i..my mood..n etcetra

2006-12-30T22:18:00.000+05:30

this has been some week!
did sumthing really stupid n crazy on christmas!weird!
then things did go a bit wrong and i was pissed and d usual.. but its k.. im fine(indifferent as i ever was).

met school time friends.had as much fun as one could manage with people you've met after loooooong time!!well i saw dhoom 2,loved hrithik in it n so liked the way my evening was goin.. that was wednesday i guess...

thursday-stayed over my frends place..got all dressed (typical things tht happen at evry girls nite out) and clicked horrible pics of ourselves, n swore never to let anyone see them! got tempted by dominos' 2 pizzas 4 just 200 bucks, cudnt even finish one(i was still suffering from my traumatic experience of food posioning aft eating smokin joes pizza)... watched movies till late...blabbed blabbed an blabbed sum more...

then came the big night:mood indigo.. had heard abt it.. saw teh real thing on friday n man i was so fucking awed and impressed by it all.. never much of a rock fan was wondering wht on earth am i doin in livewire finals n this hell of a rock concert... but i'm so so so glad i went.. parikrama was tooooooo cool... i just became an instant fan..bowed down a million times after "but it rained" and "the open skies".. that's called violin playing...!! i was just swept off my feet by the whole thing... cant stop gushing about it even now.. had a bit of trouble while comin back.. cudnt get any direct bus back home.. waited for long there.. thank god rajat was ther wid me..so took bus to ghatkopar and from there to vashi.. sandhya kept screaming at me on d phone all da while.. so did my dad n sis.. then bloody bridge over vashi creek had theis huge traffic... reached home i.e. sandy's place by 2.. her mood ws off.. had 2 regale her wid sum concert tales n crap.. then saw dhoom 2 again on cd.. blabbed for sum more(foolish cable guy had given wrong cd 4 2nd part...well lucky me) slept at 4 in d morning...
had decided to get up at 6, come home and pack n leave for pune in afternoon.. operation failed.
cudnt get up at all.. was forced 2 get up at 10.. came home brushed, had one lucky vada pav.. n slept off. until sandy came in 2 watch dhoom 2 second half..!!!!! watched tht.. blabbed sum more(WHEW!!!) then finished off wid harry potter 1st book(its like habit now. jus get down to
reading it whn i got nothing to do) . realised net connection is working again.. sat down 2 orkut n blog..

so here i am boring non existent readers stupid with my week's "happenings". now i wait 4 tomorrow to spend d whole day wid family(the very idea scares d shit outta me).. then spend a nice silent boring "happy new year" after many years...

a merry christmas to you-said who?

2006-12-25T00:01:00.000+05:30

i am home.
i'm talking wid my dad.
i talked wid rajat,akshay,sandhya,pritha... my friends.
i cudnt ask for anything more.
i'm hoping i can stay here till 30th dec.
i had feni wid dad today.straight. then wid appy fizz..(bet zubs gonna say appy sucks at this)
i kinda told him quite a lot abt wht i do out there in pune.(well not evrything..but sumthings..)
i liked talking wid him(for a change!!!)
i hope it stays that way for long enuf...
i hate tht they keep nagging me here: take a bath, get up.. go gargle..eat this..where r u going?whn will u b back.?..bblah blah...
i cant get what mom wants from me.
i hate sumthings about being at home.
i know i have to live with it coz it home after all.
i hate this coughing fit tht i've got.
i like being with my friends here. i can just be who i am . and tell them with almost open heart whats really been going on..
i liked it tonight till i was getting along well wid dad.
merry christmas!!

goin home.

2006-12-22T14:18:00.000+05:30

im happy
im going home.
i was bored of college.
have to run away.
stupid classes.
orkut banned in college.
goin home.

of casinos n baabuls n fun..

2006-12-09T12:03:00.000+05:30

yesterday went to see BAABUL(sue me 4 spellin it wrong). the most crappiest, boring, stupid, pathetic movie i've seen in a long time( even worse than DON).
why would anyone watch a movie which was made for the 70s n 80s(we did coz our other option ws sittin in hostel n doin nothin).. mayb b r chopra hasnt yet recovered frm his mahabharat..
baghban ws gud, but babul is jus not the movie u'd expect after it. u can imagine how bugged i'm by d movie to turn critic all of a sudden. i request everyone 2 not go n get their brains fried by this dumb flick!i tolerated d movie for sake of the superhot john abraham(his char's name ws same as my best frend's name, so i had a teeny weeny small reason 2 smile)
Casino royal was so much better in comaprison. DANIEL CRAIG DOES LOOK SO SO HOT!!! we had fun during d movie n even after d movie.rode on a friend's bike(an exhilerating experience) then went over to another friends place, had quite enuf fun ther...cant say d same abt last evening. it jus didnt end on a perfect note. but then i talked 2 my best frend so all ws kinda ok at d end of d day...
in d end, it all turns out 2 b ok, unsaid,unresolved mayb.

whats been going on...

2006-12-08T14:49:00.000+05:30

went to kanha(details wid pics 2 b posted later)

screwed up in sumway i guess 4 d iipm amaze thing.no regerets there.(again details 2 b posted later whn n if im in mood)

came back 2 find college now more boring n intresting at the same time.!!???

screwed up in dumb c, in which we claimed we wer gonna rock, but only managed 2 mak huge fools of ourselves.

watched casino royal,UNERSTOOD THE MOVIE(with wee bit of help) had fun.

have had a lot to think and say and wonder and have fallen short of time miserably.i wonder how time flies..

hav tried 2 do poetry, n have fallen short of words there.

have tried a lot and some more.
still trying.

feeling even more confused after letting only bits n parts out.

lots to let on..

WHY I HATE MS-WORD

2006-10-29T15:31:00.000+05:30

I hate writing on Microsoft Word. but then how long can you write grammar-less sentences.
As I write this I see those highly irritating and disturbing and disgusting red lines. I’ve now lost count the no. of times red lines have appeared in typing out these 3 lines.
Inwardly I’m ashamed I don’t type well enough.
Inwardly I also hate that Microsoft word cant keep up with latest trend and changes in the English language and doesn’t contain new chat lingo in its dictionary.
And I also hate that t doesn’t auto-correct all the errors.
And I hate green lines too.
Bloody grammar teachers ! who the hell do they think they are? Now they have shown me a green line coz my exclamation mark is a bit too away for its taste.
Word wont die if it does auto-correction!
Common, the main characteristics of a computer are that it never gets tired unlike my poor arms and that its speed is VERY HIGH! (much higher than my typing speed definitely).
And I’m amazed that I havnt yet encountered any red/green line in the above sentence, which I consider to be one of the most senseless sentences to be written in English by me and I’m sure I’ve written too many to keep track of. Again one of those long winding senseless sentences. But there you go..! word shows green line for that sentence. I seek to correct and it offers me the following solution Fragment(consider revising).
If I go on to check grammar it will go on endlessly about the grammar I did till high school, in the process ruining my assumed creativity and sapping all my non existent talent.
And before Word decides to paint my this piece of shit red ( or perhaps green)
I better get out of this “Document4-Microsoft Word”

piece of shit

2006-10-28T11:38:00.000+05:30

I always start with some idea
But midway I don’t know how
I lose track of where I’m headed
And end up with something
I had not at all foreseen
Not at all planned
Not at all thought of
It would turn out so..
Can I blame it- this tendency to jump from ideas to ideas
Within a span of 5 seconds-
on this instability of my mind,
From which I think I’ve been suffering
Since I don’t know.. ?
Long long long time ?
Some how it doesn’t make any sense
Why I monkey jump -
That is to say
My brain
Monkey jumps from one branch of though to other
Like some chronic ailment
Which disables you to keep
Your mind on one thing
For a time limit
Exceeding 15 seconds at the max.
I have no idea why I’m writing this piece of crap
I was actually planning on writing something serious,
Which always turns out to be highly boring and
Intolerable.
No I was thinking of writing something funny,perhaps
Again I fail miserably here… inevitably I end up
With a piece which falls nowhere
Nor funny nor serious
But pure crap.
I think I must start paying people
To come and read this awesome
Piece of shit
On which I’ve wasted 4 minutes 37 seconds of my time.
But worry not I’ll pay readers to waste their time on this one
If you’re a fast reader, you ‘re lucky
You can wrap this up in max 2 mins. Yet get money worth 4 mins and sum crap no. of secs-
now for some real nonsense...
"I'll sail to Ka-Troo
And bring back an It-kutch,a preep,and a
proo,a nerkle,a nerd and a seersucker too!"
Dr.Seuss in If I Ran the Zoo.

Haves and have nots--One race by 3000.

2006-10-18T22:51:00.000+05:30

One race by 3000: According to an expert By 3000, a coffee colored population split into two sub-species – one healthy and smart and the other dim-witted- ill inhabit the earth, ending all racial profiling.

Or how one day half of us will be tall thin and intelligent, while the rest of us will be short, fat and very stupid.

So there you go..
Now you know where your legacy is gonna lie..
Take a look at yourself now n reconcile with the abhorring fact( if you look like a Garfield-Gummy bear-smurf combo with brains of Jon-hagar-suppandi combo, pray you mate with cat-woman, or Cinderella) that your descendants gonna belong to one of those two species.
I am short, not particularly ugly.. but yeah plain un-beautiful/un-cut/un-good looking in general. I am not fat. Yet. Going by the speed at which my waistline n bottoms expanding I could soon be joining that motley crowd. I, thankfully am not stupid! Well not inherently at least! Common everyone does that occasional super stupid thing…
And I think I can claim without any of my characteristic vanity and arrogance, that I’m adequately intelligent.

So in planning that my descendants fall into the haves must look out for a mate who HAS to be tall, good looking and intelligent( you can always use some extra grey cells).
And seeing my incapability in finding a mate( ok not in the literal term literally!!) good or bad as a mate(again no innuendo), I don’t think I’d be very successful in having my descendants in the elite privileged group.

arrrrrrrrghhhhhhh

2006-10-10T14:33:00.000+05:30

i hate tis world..
its so bugging these days..
exams, tests n screwed up financial situation..
dunno wher all money's goin.. most probably into my tummy.. i eat so so much thes days!!!
n bloody auto's alos lootofying us
and bloody college..notes!!
i love whining
i hate this world!

WaTs WiD "SHALL"?

2006-10-05T13:43:00.000+05:30

its d latest fad amongst us..Anna started it all..
she wud say" I Shall see you in the 1st lecture 2mrw.. ." big surprise if i found her next day!
then "I Shall go and have a bath" and "I shall now kick your ass"..
so we all are now goin on abt "shall"
as anna wud proudly claim "shall" s caught up very well.. its now imbibed in our lingo!..
so we all say" I shall..XXXXXX..."
i jus went on to say " I Shall Blog Now!"and I Shall Whine about using "Shall" too much.."

now i shall stop: boring myself,wasting my laptop battery n doing crap.

Things I'd Like to WHINE Abt.. but..

2006-10-02T23:54:00.000+05:30

now i'd jus come out n said tht i'll b back to my whining mode.. but it's not so easy it seems..
the reasons wud be:

i'm lazy
i'm sleepy most of d time
the nets not working properly
blogger is not working properly
i'm busy at my other distraction orkut n poetry!!
n i'm most of the time contradicting myself so much, i cant decide upon what to whine abt
i'm majorly disinclined,disintrested to blog..not much of a regular blogger you see.

bein a science student i've gotten into d mode of writing "point wise" as we were always screamed at for writing stories in our papers.. but then its a gud thing.. u can jus check out the points(tht is if u check out the blog in the very 1st place) n get done with it, rather than reading my agonies which will plague u more than they plague me by their sheer silliness,exaggeration and lack of anything substantial.

now getting back to wht i'd like to whine abt:
Gen Mush's latest book:he's THE BLUFFMASTER
My Hostel:Pathetic location,even more pathetic WARDEN!
My College:Its good,but still lot to be cribbed abt.
My Bankruptcy:I'm always almost in some financial crisis.
Shobhan Saxena's article in TOI: abt BLOG RUBBISH(Sunday times 1st oct)
My ever fluctuating(infact ever increasing!) weight probs:I'm too lazy even to exercise!
The World in General: there's so much scope in those u knw..
now i like the number 7(nice magical reasons of which i'm myself unaware) so i shall stop.. i'll cite any of the above reasons why cant blab anymore.sleepy again..

BaD GirL..paranoid,ANTISOCIAL,avoidant,HISTRIONICAL!!

2006-09-30T17:37:00.000+05:30

ok so im this.. i gave this personality disorder test @ URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv .. n this wat they analyse i am in terms or disorders i cud b suffering from n the levels im currently at...

Disorder Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate
info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html

so.. im not jus a selfish,mean n arrogant whiner.. im also an anti social whiner... BeWaRe!!

and also... at queendom..@ http://www.queendom.com/tests/minitests/fx/paranoid.html
it seems that.....
I AM NOT VERY VERY PARANOID..i scored only 30!!!

http://www.queendom.com/cgi-bin/tests/test.cgi

wHy FoR SO lONg..??

2006-09-29T13:33:00.000+05:30

ok reasons why i wsnt blogging here for so long:

1. i was busy..i seriously was!!!
2.i ws kinda bored...
3.initially i was so hyper-freaky-excited abt bein away in pune symbiosis.. i cudnt find nething 2 whine about..
4. i was trying to overcome my whiner rep. but failed miserbaly aft sometime.
5.I AM A LAZY BUMMER SO I DIDNT BOTHER MUCH..
6.i was all too engrossed in writing juvenile poems n posting them..
7.i'm out of excuses..so i stop.

LOng tiME GoNe

2006-09-29T13:29:00.000+05:30

ok
its been so so long since i've posted nething here..
i jus keep blogging on the otter one..
wu d seem like i've stopped whining..

10 things i hate

2006-06-10T13:17:00.000+05:30

1. show-off
2.bad breath
3.over-cooked maggi
4.garlic
5.i me myself syndrome
6.george bush
7.platform heels
8.tv soaps
9.nagging
10.whiners like myself